Morning Finds New Orleans Still Standing

Playing the role of the 'Omega Man', that guy in the blue shirt

The Saints historic Super Bowl victory is an event that millions of people will never forget.  There’s the fans of the team, general football fans, bleeding hearts that want good things for New Orleans, bastard-coated bastards who harbor some illogical hatred of New Orleans and of course, New Orleans residents and visitors who either puked on someone, were puked on or woke up without pants in a gutter and wondered what day it was.

It was because of this last group that many, like myself, had a legitimate fear that The Big Easy would no longer be standing when the sun came up on Monday.  And what better way to commemorate the official moment that the city fully recovered from Katrina than for the citizens to do their damnedest to destroy it.

But Jesus is evidently not to be counted among the throng of people reveling in the Super Bowl afterglow on Bourbon Street last night because, unlike when His flood of wind and rain came down on the city, it’s still there.  Or, perhaps the J-man took one too many hand-grenades early in the celebration and lost focus.  Either way, kudos to New Orleans.

While you managed to keep your city above sea-level and also above burning ruble status, you did fail to properly celebrate what may well be your city’s greatest achievement.  The Saints played in and won their first Super Bowl and by 8AM, the streets are deserted and there’s no sign of even one passed-out/dead prostitute corpse lining the curbs.  If this is how you plan on celebrating Lil Wayne’s death, Weezy may as well stick around for another twenty years.

This was supposed to be the party of the century.  Scott Fujita said he was planning on being drunk for the next month.  Rooms full of people across the country seriously considered driving to New Orleans to be a part of it.

‘Well, I would miss the next…foreseeable future of work days and I’d almost definitely suffer injury or STD, but how can I say no.’

And yet, those cooler-heads that prevailed yesterday didn’t wake today to extreme regrets.  They didn’t wake to news stories about flowing alcohol, nudity, fires, overturned cars and hedonism.  They woke to pictures of empty streets and clean-up crews.  They woke to a scene that actually pales in comparison to a typical college tailgate.  So on that note, .boo New Orleans.  You beat the Colts and you certainly topped what Indianapolis had planned for a celebration, but you completely failed to live up to everyone else’s impossible expectations.  The player that should have died in the blowout would be spinning in his grave…you know…because you didn’t party hard enough…so he wouldn’t be dead…but he should be…because you should have…this would make much more sense if you were all more hung over.

Bootlegged from The Big Lead

Tags: douchebaggery, drunk, football, New Orleans Saints, NFL, Super Bowl

Super Who Dat Dump

You weren't in New Orleans last night, because you're stupid.

There may not be a more high-fivable event in the world than going to the Super Bowl.  Except of course being on Bourbon Street last night, but I’m not sure if high fives count whenthey’re part of a sexual maneuver during a public orgy.  But here’s a video of multiple players and celebrities getting involved in a sweet pre-Super Bowl high five compilation.  <funnyordie>

You know that episode of “The Office” where Michael has promised a bunch of kids college scholarships, but breaks his promise?  Reggie Bush must have thought that was a hilarious prank that he should try.  <secondstringfullback>

Believe it or not, other sports happened this weekend.  Among them was a day full of some pretty great college basketball.  This guy sits through all the awfulness that is College GameDay to bring you screen grabs of the best signs from around the nation, so you owe him a click just for that.  Truly a selfless hero.  This week was in Illinois.  Kentucky and misspelled signs coming up next week!  <thatfan>

Among the other sports that happened this weekend was hockey.  Yep, they still play that one.  Here’s a goal shot so hard that it broke the goal cam.  The last time I scored so hard I broke the camera I was Tucker Max.  <outsidetheboxscore>

This mother f*cker predicted the exact score of the Super Bowl, and has documentation of it.  But obviously he didn’t sack-up and take his powers to Vegas, or instead of writing about it last night he would have been waste-deep in hookers and money.  <withleather>

Something you should be checking on throughout the day would be updates from people who were either in Miami last night, or on Bourbon Street.  It may take a day or two for the best stories to start filtering in, after the detox and bail bonds and all that.  It looks like last night was a big night for STDs.  <deadspin>

And thanks to Adam, I will now be getting very little done for the next few weeks.  Because here’s every episode of Alf.  And if you don’t like Alf, then you can just go right to hell right now.  <hulu>

And what’s a Post Super Bowl dump without finishing on an underboob.  I find that that’s always a great place to finish.  <coedmagazine>

Thanks for the links and all.  That made this Monday’s dump much easier.  Which is a good thing, because I only quit drinking about five and a half hours ago.  Keep them coming to bootleggersports@gmail.com. 

Tags: link dump

Friday Three-Way-Pre-Super Bowl Dump

This is the answer the question: "Would you ever play strip poker?"

Home videos of the Manning family many many moons ago.  Shocking revelation: Cooper might have been the best player of the bunch.  Not so shocking revelation:  Payton only stops whining to pout.  <smfnewsblogs>

Since we’re already exploring videos from a long time ago, here’s a fan asking Anna Kournikova if he makes her horny, “baby” back in 1999.  I’d tried to forget the Austin Powers movies too, but they’re kind of like herpes, aren’t they.  Just keep popping back up just when you start to move on.  Not… Not that I’d know anything about that.  Just guessing.  <outsidetheboxscore>

It’s about Goddamn time these guys came out with a new flow chart.  I’ve been checking every day.  Except for the days when I don’t do this link dump.  And the days when I forget to check.  But most other days I do.  At least twice a week.  On average.  Anyway, here’s what to do for the Super Bowl.  Nope, jerking off in the communal spinach dip isn’t an option on this chart.  That’s what we call an “auxiliary option.”  <holytaco>

We kill a shit-load of cows in this country.  Some of them are used more for just making us fatter though.  Some lucky bovine are made into footballs.  Here are a bunch of numbers on all of that, and the odds that a cow’s hide gets used in a Super Bowl game.  I promise it’s more fun than whatever you’re doing at work.  <lastangryfan>

Today’s dump was a short one.  They can’t all be ringers you know.  After the last couple of days you should have expected the tank to be running a little low.  Send tips and suggestions to bootleggersports@gmail.com.  And have a happy Super Bowl too. 

Tags: link dump

West Virginia Fans Actually Got Worse

Tags: basketball, douchebaggery, NCAA, West Virginia

Holey Thursday Dump

Note: Shirts with holes ripped in the front don't look as good on me

We’ll get started with the new Axe commercial, featuring Matt Stafford and a bunch of beautiful women who have no qualms about retarding the advancement of gender equality.  If these commercials work on you, in that they convince you that by using Axe you’ll be irresistible to scores of hotties, then you should also consider drinking bleach to whiten your teeth.  <detroit4lyfe>

Michelle Beadle as been anointed the spank-bank princess of the blogosphere, for some reason.  So when she goes gorilla-shit over a bunch of puppies, it gets written about.  And because I’m too tired to find anything else, here’s the video:  <outsidetheboxscore>

Speaking of that show, they had a blast yucking it up at a video of some dude taking a serious spill on a bike.  Unfortunately, they ran the clip and thoroughly enjoyed it without doing any research what-so-ever.  Turns out, the guy broke a score of bones, couldn’t ride anymore, lived in unbelievable pain and took his own life because of the accident.  “Ha HA HA HA!  But look how his head bounces off the pavement!  But I’m sure he was fine…  Next up: Lady get’s into a ‘face-off’ with her friend’s chimp!”  <deadspin>

John Mayer does lots of things.  One of those things is giving some perspective on Tiger Woods’s problems.  Sadly, it’s the only honest, accurate assessment I’ve heard mentioned publicly.  Oh, and I hear he’s also digging out Taylor Swift now.  And having abandoned all premise of ethical journalism, I am happy to repeat any unsubstantiated rumors, just like mainstream media.  <sportressofblogitude>

Hey, now that we’ve started talking about Tiger: Ladies, watch your vaginas.  Tiger Woods is getting out of rehab this week.  So “they” say.    <radar>

Got pictures of fans and coaches flipping off the camera/other teams/opposing fans?  Send it to the Rex Ryan-Mike Ditka Museum for Assholery.  <thatfan>

Awesome junk food stadium constructed for a Super Bowl party.  Now only if it was abortion-themed, I might consider making something like that.  <holytaco>

Martina Hingis is retiring again.  So unless she goes all Favre on us, that leaves her completely free to do nothing but nude modeling.  Unless of course she’s interested in dating penniless bloggers.  If that’s the case then you perverts stop touching yourselves to my woman.  <withleather>

Well that did it.  I wrote “touching yourselves” and need to go… do… shave.  Send story suggestions and link tips to bootleggersports@gmail.com. 

Tags: link dump