Athletes Be Sinning

Fathers lock up your daughter... seriously

We like to keep the mood at Bootlegger Sports light, so keeping the hardcore stories about crime, sex and death to a minimum is a must.  Unless they involve Joe Buck, Tim Tebow or Brett Favre.  But there are two stories floating around that can’t be ignored, so let’s turn on the ugliness by playing a special edition of The Dating Game.

Our first bachelor is Miami Heat all-star, millionaire and dyslexia enthusiast Dwyane Wade.  In his spare time, Dwyane enjoys buying his mother churches, divorcing his wife and holding weed fueled orgies at other people’s houses.  Desperate chick, say hello to Dwyane.

DC: Hi Dwyane, if you were coaching my basketball team, what position would I play?

DW: BJ queen, most people don’t realize it, but it’s a fundamental spot on any successful franchise.

DC: Wow, ok, what would we do on our first date?

DW: I’m Dwyane Wade, I don’t date, but I would convince you I’m a really good person, then I’d invite you to an associate’s house and let my childhood friends have their way with you.  Sorry, but you aren’t on D-Wade’s level. 

Now let’s meet bachelor number 2, he’s a former All-Star shortstop and an apparent opponent of safe sex, say hello to Roberto Alomar.  This legend of the diamond spends now spends his time practicing his spitting accuracy, tag teaming girls with his brother and being sued for giving women AIDS.  Desperate chick, say hi to Robby.

DC: Hi Robby, did I just hear you have AIDS?

RA: No baby, I’m Puerto Rican.

DC: Huh?  Well, if I was a sick child, how many home runs would you hit for me?

RA: How many does it take to cure AIDS?  3?

That’s all the time we have, thank God.  Be sure to join us next time when more athletes prove to be terrible, terrible people.

Tags: Dwyane Wade, MLB, NBA, Roberto Alomar

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