NBA Bottom 5

The All-Star break is officially here and Mo Williams is finally in the game.  He’s like a fat girl who really tried to get someone to ask her to the prom, but got turned down by everyone and convinced she wouldn’t go, gave up trying.  Then by some miracle, one of the popular guys asked her, only to embarrass her in front of everyone.  Will Mo Williams get a bucket of pig’s blood dumped on his head at the All-Star game.  TNT has their fingers crossed.

5. Al Harrington- Called out his former coach Don Nelson in the media, saying “he ruins guy’s careers”.  Let’s talk to Baron Davis about that.  Baron, would you prefer to put up mediocre numbers on a bad Clippers team or be an All-Star while having your career ruined with Nelly?  Wait, what about Stephen Jackson?  You want to get arrested on weapons charges in Indy, or lead a playoff team for a career ruiner, Captain Jack?  I won’t bother asking Kelenna Azubuike and Andris Biedrins.      

4. Shawn Marion- The Matrix was living the life.  Living in Phoenix with Steve Nash setting him up for dunks in Mike D’Antoni’s stat-inflating offense.  Then, he got a Joe Johnson-esque ego flush and decided he’d rather be a lead option for another team.  The problem being he doesn’t have a Joe Johnson-esque game and Miami has realized their mistake after less than a season.  Now Shawn gets to play on an underachieving Raptors team in Canada.  At least Jose Calderon can feed him the rock… if he ever gets healthy.

3. Elgin Baylor- After working for years in the Clippers’ front office, Baylor resigned.  Not because the Clippers have been terrible for his entire tenure and thanks to him are saddled with big contracts but no future, but because the Clips are so racist.  He says he was underpaid, but he was payed more than his job performance suggested he deserved.  A grilled cheese sandwich and some bus tokens would have been more accurate.   

2. John Paxson- Here’s another GM who has stayed past his welcome… and effectiveness.  I’ll bet John wishes he could go back to his playing days.  A simpler time when any mistake he made was immediately erased by Michael Jordan.  Now, MJ might be a worse GM than he is.  Paxson likely won’t last as Bulls’  GM much past the All-Star break, but really wants to keep earning a paycheck.  He’s negotiating to stay on in a different capacity.  Let he and Vinny Del Negro shoot for the janitorial job. 

1. Phoenix New Times- There’s usually some debate about the number one spot in the Bottom 5, but not this week.  This amazing journalistic rag is published weekly in the city that is currently hosting All-Star weekend.  I’ll bet the NBA news will be top notch.  Or poorly researched and inaccurate.  Somehow, a professional reporter believed that the NBA would institute a “tatoo cap” and that David Stern would use the word ‘bejesus’ in a public statement.  And after the story ran on the front page of her paper and the entire Internet picked up on what a horrendous error it was, she “still wasn’t sure she’d been duped.”  This moron just set women’s rights back 100 years.  Sorry ladies, but you’re no longer allowed to vote or disagree with men.

Tags: Al Harrington, All-Star, Andris Biedrins, Baron Davis, Bottom 5, Chicago Bulls, David Stern, Don Nelson, Elgin Baylor, Golden State Warriors, Joe Johnson, John Paxson, Jose Calderon, Kelenna Azubuike, Los Angeles Clippers, Michael Jordan, Mike D'Antoni, Mo Williams, NBA, Phoenix Suns, Shawn Marion, Stephen Jackson, Steve Nash, Toronto Raptors, Vinny Del Negro

1 Comment to NBA Bottom 5

NBA Bottom 5 | Bootlegger Sports- Sports Humor Blog | ozvl.com
February 13, 2009

[...] NBA Bottom 5 | Bootlegger Sports- Sports Humor Blog [...]

Leave a comment