Nate Robinson is a Wittle Cheatah

NBA All-Star weekend is all about the dunk contest.  You know what you’re going to get from the game itself and the rest of the events are pretty straight forward also.  Everyone always hopes that the dunk contest is going to be something special and memorable.  It usually isn’t, but last year it left everyone wanting more.  This year we’re back to people wondering why it still exists after a sub-par performance.  As you can see in the above video, Nate Robinson beat Dwight Howard in the finals, mostly due to bigotry.  There’s a serious heightism problem brewing here and as soon as an uncommonly tall version of Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton becomes famous, you’re going to hear about it.  Robinson is short and him dunking a ball is impressive, but it shouldn’t give him an advantage in a contest.  Howard is tall, but it shouldn’t be counted against him.  Let’s see Nate dunk on a 12-foot rim.  Heightism… it’s a growing problem.  Get it? 

Anyway, the dunk title is pretty worthless now that the fans vote on it by texting.  Anything you win by getting people to text in can’t be worth a damn.  First of all, you’re excluding war veterans who have lost digits defending our freedom.  So American Idol is anti-American.  Second, it gives an unfair advantage to the stupid and the geeky.  There’s generally a direct correlation to the speed someone can text and their intelligence.  The faster they text, the slower they are.  Smart folks use their phone to call people.  And the geeky can use some crazy computer program to do some high-speed texting, thus stuffing the ballot box.  And that brings us back to Nate Robinson. 

Not only did he benefit from heightism, he benefited from befriending computer geeks.  Why would Nate Robinson waste his free time playing Call of Duty online?  To enlist the help of hundreds of gamers who could artificially text him to a dunk title, of course.  A diabolical plan that paid off, but now those geeks want their bounty.  A crate of Mountain Dew Code Red and a lifetime supply of Ben-Gay.

Tags: All-Star, Dwight Howard, Nate Robinson, NBA

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