It’s Not Baseball Season Yet Dammit
Slow down buddy, there's alot of boring stories left to be told
On a sunny, summer day in mid-July, it’s a nice change of pace to grab a couple of beers and relax in your air-conditioned house while a slow paced baseball game plays out on your TV. But here we are in mid-February, my air conditioner might have been abducted by aliens for all I know and the last thing I want to hear about is baseball. Apparently, the mainstream media disagrees with me about what I want to hear about.
This isn’t baseball season. You know how I know? Because papers across the country are running stories like this:
Alfonso Soriano might not hit lead-off for the Cubs this year. I might not watch my dog lick itself for 20 minutes and wonder why God didn’t give me that ability. Which of these stories was a bigger waste of your time?
Astros’ pitcher Mike Hampton has a “glitch” in his EKG. This explains alot… which part of your heart do you use to throw a curve ball? Even the Astros call this detail “minor”. If this is the best MLB.com can do, imagine what reporters with less access are coming up with.
The Tigers’ have two new catchers. Jesus Christ, the most interesting part of this story is that one of them is Misty May’s husband. This story should be called, don’t draft a Tigers’ catcher in fantasy baseball.
Joe Mauer is recovering from surgery. So, this is an update of a story you did after he had surgery two months ago that said he would be recovering for the next three months. In other news, Ted Williams continues to recover from death.
Jason Bay showed up. That’s it…I’m off to burn my baseball glove. Come and get me when the Cubs are officially eliminated.
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February 17, 2009