The Broncos Are So Screwed

Inspiring confidence since maybe tomorrow

The Denver Broncos have been busy signing free agents over the weekend, perhaps a little too busy.  While they were celebrating the signing of a 35-year-old safety and reloading the stable of average running backs, their two offensive stars were taking offense. 

Jay Cutler showed his disdain for being included in trade rumors by throwing a hissy fit and holding his breath until the Broncos apologized.  Thankfully, the QB passed out before any real damage was done.  Uh, he always had that dent in his head and looked kind of spacey right?  Right.  New Denver Head Coach Josh McDaniels reportedly wanted to reunite with his fellow-former Patriot, Matt Cassel, and send Cutler packing.  It didn’t work out so now McDaniels is shopping for a cookie bouquet suitable for someone with diabetes. 

In the meantime, Cutler is refusing to speak to Denver personnel because he’s so upset of the trade rumors, even though he might have asked for a trade just a few weeks back.  Jay should probably be counting his blessings rather than starting fights considering he’s a quarterback from Vanderbilt who has diabetes and looks to dopey to get any real advertising deals.  That doesn’t sound like a guy who has much leverage to me. 

Broncos’ star receiver Brandon Marshall does have leverage with the team considering without him, their best option in the passing game is the ghost of Ed Mcaffrey.  Unfortunately, he decided to kill some time this off-season by trying to kill his fiancee. 

Shockingly, the charges have been dropped.  I say ’shockingly’ because Marshall is 6-4, 230 and I’m guessing, unless he and Ronaldo have the same taste in ‘women’, his fiancee is not.  When the police ask if you’d like to press charges against a man they call ‘The Beast”, you politely respond that you’d rather keep your rib cage in tact.     

Even with charges dropped, it remains a possibility that Marshall could be suspended for the first few games of the 2009 season and Cutler could turn his sulking into a hold-out or trade demand.  Don’t fret though, Broncos’ fans, because that would open the door for the Darrell Era.  Darrell Jackson can step in for Marshall and Darrell Hackney (aka the only other QB on the roster) can step in for Cutler.  How can you go wrong with a QB that looks like a defensive lineman?  By the way, be sure to click on the link to order your own Darrell Hackney jersey.  You could make history by being the first non-Hackney to own one.

Tags: Brandon Marshall, Darrell Hackney, Darrell Jackson, Denver Broncos, Jay Cutler, Josh McDaniels, Matt Cassel, NFL

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