Helio Castroneves is Famous, Guilty

Every inmates mouth just watered

Times have never been worse for race car driver Helio Castroneves.  Jury selection for his tax evasion trial started today and it was revealed that no one cares about Indy Car racing.  Even the title of the AP’s story lists him as the “Dancing With the Stars Champ”.  Later in the article, the writer reports that Castroneves spends his spare time off the dance floor racing cars or some such nonsense.

Jury selection for this trial must have been priceless as the prosecution continually questioned potential jurors about whether they recognised Helio or not. 

“Have you ever watched Mr. Castroneves race cars?”

“I don’t believe so, sir, is he in NASCAR?”

“No, Indy Car”

“Huh, nope never heard of him”

“What about ‘Dancing With the Stars’, ever watch him on that?”

“Ohhh yeah, my wife loved that queer mambo dance you did.  I knew I’d seen you somewhere.”

“Dismissed”

(Helio continues to bang head on table.)   

Castroneves faces up to 6 years in prison for evasion from 1999-2004 and I can’t say I hold out much hope for him.  His business manager is his sister, and he says his dad’s Panamanian company explains some of the charges against him.  And another Brazilian racer and a Colombian driver along with a “philanthropist” from Miami are character witnesses.  If any of the jurors don’t speak Spanish, Helio is going to jail.  They may just get confused and find him guilty of trafficking cocaine.

Tags: Dancing With the Stars, douchebaggery, Helio Castroneves, Indy Car, racing

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