NFL Adopting More is Better Philosphy

This is just a ploy to ensure Donovan never plays a complete season

The NFL has been playing a 16 game schedule since 1978, but that could change by 2011.  At the NFL’s annual meeting, Roger Goodell announced the owners could be voting in May on extending the regular season to 17 or 18 games. 

This reminds me of my recent problem with having dog poop in my yard.  I decided the best way to deal with it was to add a dog, thus putting more poop in the yard.  Because if you’re going to do something, do it all the way.  I don’t really know why I just thought of that, but I feel so close to you right now I’m willing to tell you anything. 

Goodell says there’s “almost no chance” that additional games won’t be added in the near future.  That’s just a pessimistic way of saying, ‘there’s still a chance we won’t be adding games’. 

Either way, it appears most of the owners are in favor of adding games to the regular season schedule.  That’s despite attendance being down in every major sport and some owners reporting losing money on each home game.  Conventional math seems to suggest that if you lose money on one event, hosting many events will eventually get you back to even.  I’ve gone ahead and drawn up the equation so you can work it out yourself. 

(u+r)+a=dumbass

The players side of this debate seems to be an afterthought.  There’s a mention of expanding roster sizes, which I would assume would expand operating costs but since I’m not an NFL owner I can’t say for certain. 

There’s no mention, however, of the millions of additional dollars players will be expecting when they’re informed that the contract they signed to play 16-game seasons now binds them to play 18-game seasons.  Even though many of these players didn’t graduate college, I’m sure most of them will eventually figure out, or pay someone to figure out for them, that they’re getting ripped off. 

I imagine Terrell Owens knows how much money he makes for each reception, yard or even second he’s on the field.  He is going to be plenty pissed when he stops making just over $400k per game and starts making just over $350k per game.  He would most likely remedy that by getting paid $6.5 million for each time he puts on a jersey. 

I get it, America is a consumer society.  Even in a recession, we’re a wasteful, obese state of pigs.  But everyone is cutting back so even though the theory that ‘America likes football so America will love more football’ is sound, it’s just not cutting it.  Instead of adding more games, the NFL needs to improve its gameday atmosphere by making it appeal more to the target audience of the fat and ignorant.  I haven’t run the numbers yet, but I have a feeling that it would be more cost effective to just deep-fry all the seats in the stadium and play a Larry the Cable Guy stand-up special on the jumbotron at halftime.

Tags: football, NFL, Roger Goodell, Terrell Owens

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