Rangers Celebrate Failure

The Lions are expected to ask Bush to do the first coin flip

Never before has there been a more appropriate first pitch to open a season than what will take place this year at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington when Former President George W. Bush takes the mound.  Rumor has it that a banner will unfurl in center field reading “Epic Fail” as thousands of screaming Texans celebrate their ineptitude.

According to MLB.com, this will be the 23rd straight year that the Rangers honor “Texas Heroes,” like Anna Nicole Smith, and the guy that killed John Lennon.  But none could be more appropriate than this particular Texas Hero.  So what if he was actually born in Connecticut.  Geography sounds like science, and we don’t take to kindly to science ’round here, ya hear?

The prophetic irony of this is nothing short of poetic, as the Rangers begin with only the lowest of expectations except from their most loyal supporters, and will inevitably end in abject failure and embarrassment, just hoping nobody’s paying attention as they play out the final days.

The only thing that could make this any more appropriate is if Bush stole someone else’s invitation to throw out the first pitch.

Tags: baseball, George Bush, MLB, Texas, Texas Rangers

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