A Day of Surprises

"Holy buttfuckery! What an exciting night!"

What a night.  After months of analysis, weeks of bracketering, and endless hours of arguments, March Madness has finally come sputtering to a close.  Unfortunately it’s finale closely resembled the inevitable conclusion of a weekend diet consisting of nothing but cheese, beer, and cherry turnovers.  In short, it shit the bed.

Unless you suffer a severe mental retardation, the only way tonight’s game was exciting for you is if you had thousands of dollars locked up in prop bets.  That or you’re one of those assholes who pretend to have some allegiance with UNC.  The only thing worse than that is actually being a UNC Alum.

Baseball attempted a distraction, but between the rainouts, games played in domes, and the fact that not a single outcome today will be a factor by September, you’d have to actually have attended one of the games to reap any enjoyment from today.  And even then there better be boobies and inebriation involved if you want to tell me your stupid fucking opening-day story.  You rich fuck.

I’m too inebriated and too goddamn tired to espouse any further.  But no fear.  My hung-over ass will be back at 5:00 A.M. Eastern to bring you tired puns and boring links.  Hopefully the other guy has some good ideas, because I’m literally wiping my ass with my bare hands here. 

Goodnight assholes.

Tags: baseball, basketball, Michigan State, MLB, NCAA, North Carolina

1 Comment to A Day of Surprises

Tim
April 7, 2009

Wow. I want to see this kind of mouthiness this weekend.

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