Baseball Doesn’t Like Touching Anymore

The above video is footage of umpire Paul Schrieber gently escorting Magglio Ordonez away from home plate.  A move that he has since had to publicly apologize for.  But he didn’t have to apologize because Jim Leyland demanded it, or because Magglio feigned an injury or anything like that.

He had to apologize because of the modern no-touch policy in MLB.  A policy that was hatched from the minds of assholes, who sought to enhance and preserve baseball’s image by changing it.  But because it has been changed, umpires must adhere the same as players.  Thus, the real tragedy is that I have to agree with Ordonez in this case.  Not because I want to, but because he’s right. 

“You’re not supposed to do that.  If you touch, you get suspended.  I’d be home.”

Goddamn I hate when I have to agree with people I hate.  It’s like when Joe Buck said “The Phillies are World Champs.”

But back to the point.  Baseball used to not give a shit about touching.  chests plates were going to get jabbed, shin guards cleated, stomach bumped.  Dirt was intentionally kicked while expletives were literally spit into faces.  And it was beautiful, because nobody thought twice of a suspension. 

And now, they keep trying to tweak the game in an attempt to make it more exciting to NASCAR fans and mouth-breathers.   More home runs, shorter durations, faster action.  Pander to the simple.  I say to hell with all of that.  Just let the game be played as it always has.  That includes allowing grown men to handle problems between themselves, without suspensions and stupid rules that could put an umpire on paid leave for escorting a batter back to his dugout. 

Here’s a Hollywood glimpse at how it was.  Because who better than Hollywood to show it exactly how it was.  Exactly.

Tags: baseball, Joe Buck, Magglio Ordonez, MLB

No comments yet.

Leave a comment