NBA Bottom 5

Did you know there’s a group of people in America that get paid millions of dollars even though they are complete failures?  Ok, yeah there’s a few different groups I could rip on here, but I’m talking about NBA players.  Specifically, those on terrible teams.  At what point in the season does it become acceptable to pack it in and just enjoy your money?  It’s probably different for each time, like if you play for the Thunder, it was November 1st. 

5. Golden State Warriors (7-19)- Don Nelson has officially become the Mike Shanahan of the NBA.  It seems his goal is to take undrafted free agents and try to make them superstars.  Bravo Nellie, Anthony Morrow and CJ Watson and Rob Kurz have propelled you to 7 wins!  You know, I’ll play for the league minimum and put butts in the seats.  People will come from miles around to see my handsome mug wedged into LeBron’s crotch as he throws it down over me.

4. Sacramento Kings (7-19)- This team is out and out terrible.  Have you watched them play?  NBA TV showed their game against the Knicks last week and their announcers sounded suicidal.  Plus, you can always tell how bad a team is after they fire their coach.  Teams with some promise will rally and play a few good games under the new guy, like the Sixers after Mo Cheeks got the axe.  But when Reggie Theus got canned, the Kings came out and got blasted by 30.  It’s also never a good sign when the website it touting the retirement of Chris Webber’s and Vlade Divac’s jerseys IN MARCH!  Really?  Two guys who only played half or less of their careers in Sacto  are being honored in 3 months and that’s front page of the homepage worthy?  And they’re calling it “Forever Kings”, you know except when they left to play for somebody else.

3. Washington Wizards (4-19)- Character, Commitment, Connection, this is the 08-09 slogan for the Wiz.  Character- like the NBA’s most hated player Deshawn Stevenson starting at the 2, or trading FOR Mike James, notorious clubhouse cancer.  Commitment- like the commitment to their head coach, fired one month into the season, or the commitment to Gilbert Arenas to spend the year on IR.  Connection- like the fans paying money they don’t have because they connect to overpaid, uneducated players who phone it in on a nightly basis.  “Hey, I usually don’t try at my job either!” 

2. Oklahoma City Thunder (2-24)- What the hell, how did the Thunder get out of the bottom spot?  Well, they’ve taken to blowing leads late instead of blowing games after the opening tip and they aren’t the owners of the league’s longest winning streak.  But, did you know OKC boasts 8 post players on their 15 man roster and Joe Smith has the most trade value?  Kevin Durant might actually be terrible, but this team is so bad they’d make Mark Madsen look like a hall of famer. 

1. Minnesota Timberwolves (4- )- Speaking of Mad Dog, he actually made the T-Wolves roster.  Kevin McHale hasn’t led the team to a win yet, and that includes a loss to the Kings.  There are so many terrible teams in the league it’s actually hurting LeBron’s MVP candidacy.  He only plays 20 minutes a game, goes for 18-8-5-2, then sits on the bench and discusses his next ad campaign with his agents.  Meanwhile, the T-Wolves are young, but not the kind of young that develops into a good team.  The kind of young suffers some kind of childhood trauma and ends up developmentally screwed up.

Tags: Anthony Morrow, basketball, Bottom 5, Chris Webber, CJ Watson, Deshawn Steveson, Don Nelson, Gilbert Arenas, Golden State Warriors, Joe Smith, Kevin Durant, Kevin McHale, LeBron James, Mark Madsen, Mike James, Mike Shanahan, Minnesota Timberwolves, Mo Cheeks, NBA, New York Knicks, Oklahoma City Thunder, Philadelphia 76ers, Reggie Theus, Rob Kurz, Sacramento Kings, Vlade Divac, Washington Wizards

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