Sammy Sosa is Cooking Something Up

This is the moment Sammy started believing he's a 1st ballot HOFer

You’ve no doubt heard that Sammy Sosa has announced his retirement from baseball because news broke almost two days ago and Robbie linked to a story about it this morning.  The story has been covered from every possible angle, except maybe one.

Sosa’s retirement comes as a real shock to everyone who assumed that two years out of your profession automatically made you retired.  That’s especially true if you were washed up before you washed out.  There are more shocking elements to this news, however.

First, Sosa currently serves the Dominican government as special ambassador for investment opportunities.  What exactly does that entail?  Who thought it was a good idea to ask Sammy Sosa where to put your money?  Is he secretly the source of the economic decline?  Is his investment strategy to put a 16-year-old in a raft with a baseball bat, some cork and some steroids and push him towards America?  It worked once. 

Second, two years away from the game has turned Sosa into a raving lunatic. 

I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Don’t I have the numbers to be inducted?

…I always played with love and responsibility and I assure you that I will not answer nor listen to rumors. If anything ugly comes up in the future, we will confront it immediately, but with all our strength because I will not allow anybody to tarnish what I did in the field.

Just take a moment and soak all that in.  Oh yeah, that’s some good delusions.  He won’t answer nor listen to rumors, but he will confront anything ugly that comes up.  Not the ugliness he’s already suspected of, that’s in the past, but future ugliness is going to get his full attention.  It might be hard to get his attention though, because he doesn’t listen to rumors.  And since he always played with love and responsibility, any ugliness would surely be a rumor, which he doesn’t listen to.  I hope all that time spent not listening to things doesn’t make him miss the impending phone call from the Hall of Fame.  That should be coming through any day now and since it won’t be a rumor, Sammy should answer it. 

If you can look beyond all that for a moment, allow me to address one concern that no one seems to be mentioning.  Are we positive Sammy Sosa is retiring for good?  It may seem far fetched, but based on his recent comments, I don’t think we can rule out any possibilities.  Sosa has likely seen what has been going on in the NFL.  Brett Favre retires and suddenly half the league is interested in signing him.  Favre retired last season and moved into a starting role elsewhere.  Why can’t Sosa retire and at least get a try-out with a minor league club?  This season, Favre insists he’s retired, but it’s rumors are rampant that he’ll be a Viking.  Oh wait, those are rumors and Sammy doesn’t listen to those.  Forget I said anything.

Tags: baseball, Brett Favre, MLB, Sammy Sosa

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