MLBPA Reportedly Taking Weiner

The next Congressional investigation should be much funnier

For 25 years, Donald Fehr has served as the executive director of the MLB Players Association.  Some call him Don, but not his friends.  Fehr has no friends, only admirers.  He doesn’t sleep, he waits.  He doesn’t need deoderant, Gillette makes it from his own sweat.  He can’t be killed, only replaced.  Fehr is expected to announce today that he will step down from his position.  As he fades away, it seems only fitting that the era of Fehr will be succeeded by the age of Weiner. 

Pending board approval, Michael Weiner will take over Fehr’s former position.  He has worked as general counsel to the MLBPA since 1988 and Weiner was briefly put on ice to work salary arbitration for the NHL.  Little else is known about the man at this time, presumably because everyone stops listening after he introduces himself. 

It will certainly be interesting to see how this new head of the Players Association will interact and negotiate with commissioner Bud Selig.  I’m sure there will be some who will say that Selig has been in need of Weiner and that he might actually love Weiner.  I heard one source say that Selig actually had experience with Weiner in college.  Others may take the opposite stance and suggest Selig could fear Weiner.  Obviously, their first interaction needs to be caught on tape. 

This move has prompted other questions too, like will other staff members step down or be replaced?  Former outfielder Rob Ducey might be a good fit for the new Weiner regime.  Former Boston pitcher Dick Pole would be the most obvious right hand man.  Of course, if short-lived Cleveland Spider Pussy Tebeau still alive, he might be the most valuable asset for Weiner. 

In conclusion… Weiner. 

Ed. Note: It’s times like these that I wonder how I lost that job with The New Yorker.

Tags: baseball, Donald Fehr, Michael Weiner, MLB

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