Wishful Wednesday Dump

Looks like someone gave Keeley a nice necklace.

Max Starks is lazy and fat.  He doesn’t keep in shape over the summer and has repeatedly lost his starting role on the team due to this fact.  Now he has a new $26 million contract.  Thus, Starks is my new hero.  <nicepickcowher>

Samurais plus baseball are awesome.  I find myself both loving and hating the Japanese at the same time on a regular basis.  This is one of those times.  Seriously, you have to watch this video.  <sportsrubbish>

So-called “legitimate reporters” take to using Twitter to update fans on trade rumors.  I assume they do this so as to be the first one to report anything.  Though you may have crossed that “breaking-news” line when you’re telling the players about their trade status.  You also crossed the “legit” line when you use pseudo-words like “sez” in your reporting.  Douche.  <sharapovasthigh>

Sean Avery bags a lot of ass.  This is not in itself surprising.  It is the constant high quality of said ass that is so GD impressive.  Que Hilary Rhoda.  Oh, Hilary… You should probably wipe that Sanchez off your face before your date.  There ya go honey.  Now have a good time.  <bustedcoverage>

Kenny Mayne - funny.  Colin Cowherd - douche.  Auto-Tune - fantastic.  Good writing thrown in and this is very funny.  <neswsports>

Speaking of Auto Tune, the 4th installment of Auto Tune the News is out.  The 2nd one is still the best.  But they bring back angry gorilla, and that’s special to me in a way I don’t really feel comfortable elaborating on.  Shawty.  <youtube>

Baseball nose pickers!  I generally give a pass to players unless they also eat it (see Chase Daniel), but Bud Selig has no excuse.  This man is so rich he could pay a staff of surgeons and super models to pick his nose for him.  But he not only dresses like a homeless guy at a job interview, he also picks his nose like one.  If he’s not the sorriest-looking rich guy alive today, I have no idea who is.  <morehardball>

Dallas Cowboys offensive linemen have a better use of their time than working on protecting Tony Romo.  Namely slaying (not in the Sean Avery way, in the Heavy Metal kind of way), and signing record deals for it.  <joesportsfan> 

If you were excited to see Brad Pitt pretend to be Billy Beane in what I can only assume would have been a re-worked Jerry Maguire, then you are sad today.  I, on the other hand, care more about how to get that smell out of my trunk before my date this weekend.  <thebiglead>

Send story ideas and link tips to bootleggersports@gmail.com.  Seeing as how Dylan’s going to punch me in the face, you might consider sending them in large, bold font. 

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