BS Mock Draft Part 3: The End of Stupid?

After tonight, Blake will socialize with a higher caliber jersey chaser

If you missed parts 1 and 2, go hereand here.  Before we start on the top ten picks, I do need to address some business.  I received an email from Mr. B.J. Mullens asking us to please stop picking on him.  So, in accordance with his wishes, this edition of the Bootlegger Sports Mock Draft will be B.J. Mullens free… just like the NBA in 2012.  Ah, who am I kidding, the B.J. Mullens jokes aren’t going anywhere.

10. Milwaukee: Jonny Flynn- The Bucks made it painfully clear that they’d rather save money this season than field a competitive team.  Assuming that holds true over the next few seasons, the worst thing they could do is draft someone who is going to commanda big salary down the road.  Flynn is that type of guy.  I personally think he’s going to be a stand-out guard in the league, but even if he only ends up being an average contributor, he’s going to want his money.  Jonny already refers to himself in the third person and while that isn’t always a sign of a great player, it is always a sign that the person is very high on himself and expects to be paid as such.  I heard B.J. Mullens once asked a girl if she would like to sleep with B.J. Mullens and she replied, ‘only if B.J. Mullens is that black guy in the corner.

9. Toronto: Tyreke Evans- The Raptors have been working on building a team of shooters for about 3 years now and the last thing they need is a guard who can’t shoot.  That would be like The Olive Garden hiring a competent production team for their commercials, it’s completely out of character. 

8. New York: Jrue Holiday- The Knicks desperately need a 2-guard, but not this one.  He can’t shoot the three, people have already questioned his upside and frankly, his name pisses me off.  How the hell can you even pronounce it?  The English language doesn’t put j’s and r’s next to each other for a reason.  I’m guessing this would make New Yorkers at MSG even edgier and before you know it, there’s a full-scale riot. 

7. Golden State: Stephen Curry- Sure, Curry seems like a great pick for the Don Nelson system, which I give at least one more season before old Nelly is hauled off to the nut house.  Lately, however, the coach has taken to trying to make undrafted scrubs into stars.  Even if that means benching proven scorers like Jamaal Crawford.  Therefore, drafting Curry would be a gigantic waste as he’d likely spend the season rotting on the bench.  And if you don’t think that would be the worst outcome from the Warriors pick, then you look into Curry’s babyface and doe eyes and tell him he’s not going to get any PT, because I don’t have the heart. 

5 and 6. Minnesota: No one- Back to back picks is quite a luxury, but it’s also a lot of pressure for a new GM.  The Timberwolves could get cocky and let the clock expire on the 5th pick, knowing they have the 6th.  But then, while they’re celebrating and enjoying their luxury, they could accidentally let the clock run out again, allowing the Warriors to jump in ahead of them.  I’m sure there’s some sort of parable or Aesop’s fable that applies here… maybe the ant and the incredible douchebag? 

4. Sacramento: James Harden- The Kings seem to need just about everything except a shooting guard.  Plus, for some reason, my gut tells me that Harden has high bust potential.  Maybe it’s that beard.  Baron Davis is the only other guy I’ve seen rock facial hair like that in the NBA lately and still perform well.  Even if Harden turns out to be on the same level as Davis, you still have to plan for the 40 games he’s going to miss every year.  Honestly, Harden wouldn’t be a disaster for Sacramento because they were so bad last year that any addition will be positive.  Adding Harden would just be the least help… like adding a fat girl to an adult movie cast. 

3. Oklahoma City: Trading up- There was plenty of buzz early on that the Thunder may be willing to give up way too much to get the number one pick and get hometown hero Blake Griffin.  That doesn’t seem as likely now, but it would be a terrible move.  Sure, Griffin is incredible andhe’d put butts in the seats for his rookie season, but at some point, you have to field a competitive team to keep fans coming back.  With everything they’d have to give up to gain Griffin, the Thunder would be shitting the bed for at least the next 3 seasons.  So I guess choosing Griffin is the same as choosing an all alcohol and Mexican food diet for an entire month. 

2. Memphis: Taylor Griffin- The Grizzlies management is so inept, they might get confused on which of the Griffin brothers is the good one and think they really lucked out to get him with the 2nd pick.  And really, do any of these other prospects inspire so much confidence that you could definitively say that taking Taylor Griffin is worse than taking someone else?  Well, yes, many of them are that much better, but it’s closer in this year’s draft than it would have been in any previous year. 

1. LA Clippers: Any one not named Blake Griffin- In his interview with the team, Blake could announce that he’d rather be a ballerina and is considering giving up basketball, and the Clips would still have to draft him number 1.  That’s because if he ended up playing ball for another team in the league, they’d get hammered by their fans andthe media.  Just ask Portland and Detroit how long it takes to live down a botched draft pick.  On the other hand, the Clippers always want to steal headlines from their cross-town rivals and taking Griffin wouldn’t be surprising enough to get it done.  To really steal the Lakers post-championship thunder, I’d suggest grabbing B.J. Mullens.  That would inspire columnists in California to lead with banner headlines of ‘What The F*ck?!?’ for at least 2 weeks. 

Enjoy the draft everyone and when our good friend B.J. gets taken, chug a beer and take a shot for me… and in memoriam of the franchise that drafted him.

Tags: basketball, mock draft, NBA, NBA Draft

No comments yet.

Leave a comment