Sosa Wasn’t Exactly Sneaky

Sammy wasn't even the brains of his own scheme

A lot has been made over the last few weeks about Sammy Sosa’s name being linked to the 2003 steroid tests.  Sure, the source of this story, like every one before it, is too chicken-shit to give his name, and technically it’s never been proven that Sammy was on the juice, it’s still quite obvious to any/everyone who watched him mature as a baseball player that he got pretty heavily involved in PEDs. 

Sadly, Sammy wasn’t exactly born to be the mastermind behind any dubious schemes.  While saucing it up and growing King Kongishs arms, Sosa decided to draw even more attention to the fact that he got more swole than an asthmatic kid in a bee attack by shortening his sleeves and adding elastic bands to the ends of them.  He did this while with the Cubs, well before the rumors began flying, but continued the practice long after, and into his tenure with the Orioles.

Sammy’s kinda like that cross-eyed pyro-maniac in sweatpants that continues to show up at the scene of a fatal house-fire and ask the cops if they know what caused it.  He sort of went out of his way to ensure the perception of guilt, all for the sake of vanity.

Well Sam.  I hope it was worth it, because those big f-ing arms just helped dig your legacy’s very deep grave.  I guess you can always claim you thought they were just injectable Flinstone’s Vitamins…

Tags: Baltimore Orioles, baseball, Chicago Cubs, MLB, Sammy Sosa, steroids

No comments yet.

Leave a comment