Wet Wednesday Dump

I don't have tiger towels in my bathroom. Or girls.

Of course Wisconsin has a Beer Cart Girl Pageant.  It had been my understanding that everyone in Wisconsin was fat, but these pictures show that clearly I was wrong.  Though I still think they all talk like semi-retards.  <sportressofblogitude>

Jason Whitlock (big fat fuck) has the nerve to tell Serena Williams (world-class athlete) she should lose weight.  That’s like me telling Andy Roddick he should masturbate to pictures of Brooklyn Decker less.  I think that makes sense, but this is neither a ”clear-minded” nor a “proof-read” kind of morning.  Thanks to Bryan for the tip.  <foxsports>

Magic Johnson said eating chicken with Michael Jackson was the greatest moment of his life.  I’m guessing every other significant moment has something to do with having AIDS, but eating chicken with Jackson was magic because they were petting tigers or something while they did it.  Maybe MJ’s chicken cures AIDS.  I think I figured it out.  <treestrunk>

Dissecting the character development and rolls in Professional Wrestling, and how this corresponds with the fans that love/hate them.  This could prove to be a dangerous exercise, as it’s possible that delving so deep into something so immensely stupid might melt your brain.  Safe travels, friend.  <paneech>

Remember Natalie Gulbis?  She still looks fantastic.  Also, I think that “Gulbis” sounds like a sexual move involving gagging and cupping.  I think I would tell Natalie that in an interview too, because she would no doubt be intrigued, interested in charmed all at the same time.  Then I would mime the maneuver and she’d fall in love with me.  Women are so easy, aren’t they?  <theworldofisaac>

If you want to sexy pictures of scantily clad women don’t click on this link.  If you want to see a lot of dudes projectile vomiting, then by all means, click away.  <holytaco>

I think I discovered what’s wrong with the Cubs.  Because, sadly, synchronized dancing doesn’t translate to hitting worth a damn.  <thesportshernia>

Breaking down shaving commercials.  My biggest problem with the Gillette ads featuring Jeter, Federer and Woods is that it only rubs in how much they’re over charging me for replacement cartridges.  Greedy, capitalist bastards.  Plus I kinda miss the hot chicks… Just saying.  <rumorsandrants>

Send story ideas and link tips to bootleggersports@gmail.com.  Tonight’s League Softball night, so any help before I go strike out in slow pitch would be appreciated.

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