Rich Kid Will Set Rich Kid Record

He's saving his Affliction shirt for the press conference

Let’s play a little game.  I’m going to throw out a phrase and you just close your eyes and think about the first image that pops into your mind.  Ready?  17-year-old Southern California boy.  Got it?  Mine looks like Matt Leinart without the scruffy facial hair.  So, 17-year-old Matt Leinart.  OK, keep that image in your mind as we move into this story. 

A teenager from Southern California is less than 100-miles away from completing a sailing journey around the world.  At 17, he would be the youngest person to ever accomplish the feat alone.  His name is Zac Sunderland and I think it’s safe to assume that he’s a rich bastard.  Well, his parents are likely rich, thus he’ll be rich when he hits 18 and cashes in his trust fund.  If I thought I’d ever meet the kid, I’d be hesitant to write anything negative about him because he’ll need an entourage and as I understand it, occasionally witty bloggers are on the top of everyone’s list.  We’re like the new ‘Turtle’, or if you aren’t familiar with HBO’s ‘Entourage’, we’re like the new overweight, weed smoking gophers.  Fairly useless, but we won’t steal your poon.  But screw it, I’ll never get past security at Zac’s country club.  He’s even too good to put an ‘H’ on the end of his name, what chance do I have? 

Sailing around the world is quite an accomplishment, don’t get me wrong.  But sailing is a more elitist sport than golf.  Hell, it’s more elitist than swimming in gold a la Scrooge McDuck.  Yeah, I broke out the DuckTales reference, you rich bastards’ money didn’t buy you culture like that, did it?

There’s only a handful of 17-year-olds in the world capable of obtaining a sailing vessel that would make it around the world.  I am impressed that Zac decided to do something more constructive with his time than sit around bitching about his parents buying him the wrong color Bentley, though.  At the same time, he probably got his boat at his super sweet 16 party.  Still, it could be worse.  He could’ve contacted MTV and had his own reality show by now.  But are we positive he made it around the world?  The whole point was that he did it alone, which as a lawyer has assured me, means there are no witnesses.  Sure there’s GPS, but Zac could of had one of his servants take the boat around and pick him up in Mexico on the way back in.  This whole thing is a little fishy if you ask me.  Oh, hey, fishy, cause he’s sailing a boat on the ocean.  Ha, I didn’t even mean to do that. 

Oh well, congratulations are in order for Zac.  You were born into the best of circumstances and decided to accomplish a trivial feat as a result.  I don’t know that you can be given the title of the greatest child sailor, however.  There are kids in Cuba that can navigate an inner tube to Florida.  I bet if you told them there was food and a loving father on the other side, you could get them to sail around the world.

Tags: douchebaggery, Matt Leinart, sailing

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