Impending National Disaster Alert

Not pictured: Joe Buck in front of a giant douche

The MLB All-Star Game will take place in St. Louis on Tuesday night and a lot of important people from baseball, business and politics are descending upon the city.  President Barack Obama will be on hand to throw out the ceremonial first pitch and, let’s get this out of the way, the AP reports “Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols will be on the receiving end.”  Pujols…receiving end…it works on so many levels!  Actually, I guess just the one. 

Sodomy jokes aside, this a very serious matter.  FOX will be broadcasting the game, which leads us to some conclusions.  We’ll likely miss the first pitch of at least 2 half innings while they cram two-minutes of advertising into a 90-second break, lots of ugly people will be shown in the stands for some inexplicable reason and Joe Buck and Tim McCarver will do their spot on impression of the worst baseball announcing team of all-time.  I’ve actually worked with a guy who was harder to listen to than Buck, even when he’s at his worst.  That guy looked like a younger, fatter Chris Berman, used the same hokey nickname jokes and was unfamiliar with the meaning behind simple terms like 12-to-6 curveball.  But that guy won’t be bouncing ideas off of our president.  Joe Buck on the other hand…

FOX has announced that Obama will spend an inning in the broadcast booth with Buck and McCarver.  My first thought was that maybe Joe will make a sudden move and get dropped by the secret service.  That seems unlikely though and my second thought is way more horrific.  What if Obama starts to get chummy with ol’ Joe and starts listening to his ideas or even gives Buck a spot in his cabinet?  Before you go thinking it’s such a long shot, I heard that Paul Rudd is old friends with Joe.  Rudd is one of the most likable actors out there today and he was somehow duped into friendship with a douchey baseball announcer who dislikes baseball.  Be warned, Buck’s deception is strong and his evil could ruin this country.  Soon, people will be serving long prison terms for feigning to moon someone.  TMZ will be funded by our tax dollars.  But there is a chance we’d have a new top broadcaster on FOX’s MLB and NFL coverage.  It just might be worth it.

Tags: All-Star, Barack Obama, baseball, Joe Buck, MLB, Tim McCarver

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