Fo-Show Friday Dump

New favorite swim suit? Depends if you like triangle nipples.

This tennis player won a drug suspension appeal by saying that his positive test for cocaine was from kissing some random chick at a club.  He says she must have just done some, so that’s how he got it in his system.  This sounds a lot like the herpes from a toilet seat bit.  Note:  This excuse will never work for any of you.  <tonyblogs>

Which former Piston will you be rooting for this year?  Or maybe which one will you enjoy watching suck.  You know, whatever does it for you.  <lifeondumars>

If someone told you that Ryan Howard reached the 200 HR mark in fewer at bats than any other player in history, you’d probably say “That sounds about right.  Wait.  What about Pujols or A-Rod?  No?  Howard?  Really? Huh… I wouldn’t have thought that.”  At least that’s what I did.  Anyway, here’s video proof.  <neswsports> 

A list of all the reasons why LeBron isn’t leaving Cleveland for New York.  Mostly this is evidence that he’s practically the GM there, and has been running the show like he wants to.  Still, the Knicks can just mail him money-scented cologne, and all of a sudden all that other shit doesn’t matter a damn.  <paneech>

More pictures of women at the ESPYs.  I have this to say about the rundown of pictures:  Miranda Kerr has fantastic back-lit sideboob, Natalie Gulbis has a fat face, Brenda Warner’s title is the best thing I’ve read all morning, Kobe’s wife’s boobs look like they’re mashed against a copy machine,  Erin Andrews looks awkward in that dress, Danica Patrick has T-Rex arms, and Goddamn Miranda Kerr is hot.  <ingamenow>

Sure, we’ve all seen Dwight Howard’s Superman dunk.  But beware Gotham ballers, because we now have a batman dunk (sticks pencil in ear).  <outsidetheboxscore>

Thomas Davis, Panthers linebacker, had his car stolen.  His big purple convertible painted with a picture of himself at a desk and a giant panther laying on the floor.  And a chrome (silver?) steering wheel with a football in the middle.  Anybody stupid enough to have this thing made probably isn’t smart enough to take the keys out and put it in a garage either.  <withleather>

Send story ideas and link tips to bootleggersports@gmail.com.  Now for my usual breakfast of four advil washed down two cups of water and regret. 

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