All Hail The Remaining Pirates Fans

Get these 4 major league fans for 1 minor league fan and a fan to be named later!

Is there anyone out there who would like to dispute my claim that Pittsburgh Pirates fans are the most die-hard fans in sports?  The franchise is on its way to their 17th straight losing season.  They haven’t challenged for a pennant since the days of Andy Van Slyke, a normal sized head for Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla weighing in under 3-bills.  And their roster now features only one of their opening day starters from just a year ago.  I’m not saying every Pirates fan is so devout that they still cheer hard for their team that clearly doesn’t love them back.  I mean, who could blame a guy if he wanted to be traded to another team along with the actual Pirates players?  All I’m suggesting is that if you meet someone who will claim to be a Pirates faithful today, that guy is more hardcore than any other fan you could meet. 

The Red Sox certainly endure their fair share of heartbreak for more than 80 years, but they actually attempted to field competitive teams, made the playoffs plenty of times and played in an historic ballpark.  Ditto for the Cubs, who although they continue their title draught, they haven’t taken to selling off the team for parts.  The Marlins have disbanded a couple of times, but they’ve also brought home a couple of World Series rings and rebuilt quickly.  The Expos are perhaps the only other team who has experienced anything like what the Pirates are going through, but they put their fanbase out of its misery by moving to Washington.  So the Pirates are the most wretched franchise in baseball and the most depressing team to root for, but there has to be some logic and reason behind the moves of the front office, right?  Maybe…

Many of the players witnessed a murder aboard a team flight early in the 2008 season and had to join the Witness Protection Program.  Obviously, names couldn’t be changed because these are public figures and they couldn’t just give up baseball because they have no other skills.  At least being in different cities makes it harder for the murderer to track all of them down in a timely fashion. 

If you’ll allow me to nerd it up for a moment…maybe the former Pirates players are like the rings from Lord of the Rings.  Together, they hold too much power for one man to possess, so they were cast out across the land, never to be joined again.  Of course, this immediately brings up the question of why were the Pirates not better when they had all the players together, but maybe they were still waiting on the one ring to rule them all.  Perhaps some minor leaguer who has yet to make the bigs, or more likely, it was Bryce Harper.

Or maybe, and bear with me because this one is a real stretch, owner Robert Nutting is just an incredible dick.  Yeah, I know.  It’s so far-fetched and stupid I shouldn’t have even brought it up.  I should have just stopped with the Lord of the Rings thing, I was really onto something there.

Tags: baseball, douchebaggery, MLB, Pittsburgh Pirates

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