Joe Buck/Jessica Simpson Ruin Football

Never has a day of football that started with so much promise turned into battery and a disgruntled nap as quickly as Sunday’s second wave of games with playoff implications. 

1.) Jacksonville at Baltimore:  If you thought this game might be watchable it is because you are either a huge Ravens fan and love watching them route bad teams, you are retarded, or you are a young girl that loves watching large men run around in purple.  The Patriots did their part to inject even a little bit of interest into this game by beating Buffalo earlier in the day, but barring the news that Fred Taylor, David Garrard and Maurice Jones-Drew had perfected their ability to morph together to form the “Super Jaguar,” you knew better than to even turn this on.

Dallas at Philadelphia:  Everything was set up perfect for this game.  All the right teams lost earlier in the day to make this one a Win-and-In match up.  Both teams hate each other.  Both cities hate each other.  I hate both cities.  Nothing could possibly ruin thi- Oh Fuck that’s Joe Buck.  And of course Troy Aikman.  Goddamnit.  Maybe a great game could have over-come the audio shitfest in the booth, but instead Tony Romo couldn’t stop thinking about Jessica Simpson’s boobs, T.O. couldn’t stop thinking about T.O., and the rest of Dallas Cowboys were probably also thinking about Jessica Simpson’s boobs.  They sure as shit weren’t thinking about winning a football game or providing me with even half an hour of entertainment. 

Miami at New York:  This one looked good on paper, but that’s about all.  Sure, coming in the Jets could make the playoffs with a win, and the impossiblea Baltimore loss, but for more understanding on the chances of this happening, please read the above comment on retards.  Sure this game meant something for Miami fans, but who gives a shit about Miami fans?  Chad Pennington trying to stick it to the Jets was really the only appealing thing about this one, but honestly I don’t give a crap about Chad Pennington or his feelings.  I certainly don’t care enough to listen to Jim Nantz and Phil Simms touch themselves while talking about Bret Favre. 

Now I have a headache, a girlfriend with a black eye, and a recliner that smells like urine.  If the playoffs are this bad people are going to stop believing she runs into doors.

Tags: Baltimore Ravens, Brett Favre, Chad Pennington, Dallas Cowboys, football, Jacksonville Jaguars, Jessica Simpson, Jim Nantz, Joe Buck, Miami Dolphins, New York Jets, NFL, Phil Simms, Philadelphia Eagles, Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, Troy Aikman

3 Comments to Joe Buck/Jessica Simpson Ruin Football

Alex
December 29, 2008

I keep coming back to check for new posts, but secretly hoping there haven’t been any.

funny guy
May 21, 2009

i totally love Jessica Simpson!!! she rules

matman
September 9, 2009

i would eat and fuck that and make her dad watch

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