MLB Scouts Drooling After Failed Burglary

Casting for the film adaptation has already begun

You never know where the next great slugger is going to come from.  Scouts from across the big leagues have reason to believe he currently resides in Jackson, Michigan.  Tim Maynard is 28-years-old and has jaw dropping power with the bat in his hands.  Or, more accurately, jaw shattering power. 

Maynard recently foiled an attempted burglary in his home by connecting with the perpetrator’s face.  “I wasn’t like in a rage,” Maynard said, “I just wanted him out of my house.”  Imagine what he could do with a little encouragement, training and pharmaceutical courage.  Steroids, if I wasn’t clear enough, I’m talking about steroids. 

Though he is a little older than scouts would like, ‘The Rookie’ Jim Morris proved that older prospects can sometimes pay dividends.  And Maynard’s story would make a much better movie.  At least there’d be some skull-cracking to keep me interested. 

Did I mention that Maynard was naked when he crushed a lead-off jaw-breaker?  Yeah, he didn’t feel the need to cover his shame for some degenerate breaking into his home, so he let his wood swing…along with his bat, which may or may not have been made of wood.  This is an important detail.  Not only does it show that he would likely be confident enough to be comfortable in front of big crowds, but it also suggests that he could gain even more power when equipped with spikes.  Hank Steinbrenner just had to change his pants. 

It’s is unknown which side of the plate Maynard prefers…that’s not a question of his sexuality, he has a wife and two kids, I honestly don’t know if he’s right or left handed.  And of course, when the robber approached him, it’s assumed that he wasn’t moving at 90-mph.  Unconfirmed, but assumed.  Still, the potential is clearly there.  At the very least, we know he could be a more productive offensive player than Coco Crisp. 

Even if Maynard never signs with any big-league club, this incident can still serve as a valuable lesson to the parents out there.  Baseball is a valuable sport for youngsters.  It teaches teamwork, sportsmanship, confidence and the ability to break a man’s jaw with one swing.  You think he would have been as successful hitting him with a football or basketball? 

Bootlegged from The Big Lead

Tags: baseball, MLB

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