The Jaguars Need To Feel Your Touch

MJD wants to go for a ride and talk this out

I think we can all agree that alcohol is like the the social steroid.  It’s the PED for the non-athlete.  It makes everything better for a short period, but it eventually takes a physical toll and is certainly not without its risks.  One of those risks being the decision to send a drunk email an ex.  I know it seems romantic at the time, but a subject of ‘I Miss You and Want You Back’ doesn’t carry much weight when the message is filled with typos and admissions about the waitress you just banged who reminded you of her.  ‘I sweer, yurlike labe-twines.’ 

Someone should probably impart some of this knowledge to the folks in the Jacksonville Jaguars front office.  Their stench of desperation can be sensed all the way up the east coast.  Steve Livingstone, the formersenior manger of business development, recently lent his name to an email sent to people who have formerly held tickets to the franchise.  The subject in that email: ‘We Miss You and Want You Back’.  Hmm, that sounds familiar. 

Here is an excerpt of the message, via PFT, with an assist from Bootlegger Sports senior desperate and horny analyst. 

“The coaches and players have been working hard here at the stadium since January to ensure that we return to the competitive level that you have come to expect.”  Seriously, girl, I’ve changed.  I’ve really gotten my life together and I think now I’m the man you want. 

“The front office is committed to delivering a great NFL game day experience.”  I know you think I have a fear of commitment, but that’s all in the past.  I f*cking love you and I think we can have an amazing future together. 

“It will be fun to watch this team grow together this season.”  I want to start a family with you.  Can’t you imagine how incredible our kids would be? 

“You have been a great fan of our organization and we thank you for your past support.”  You were always so supportive of my dreams… remember all the great times we had?  I know I shouldn’t have slept with your best friend, but I think we can get past that.  Don’t let something so trivial stand in the way of our happiness.

“And we ask that you consider rejoining us for a special year as we celebrate 15 seasons of Jaguars football.”  Come on baby, I know you miss me as much as I miss you.  Can’t we go back to the way things were?  You’ll never find someone who loves you like I do. 

Based on the current Jaguars roster and their 5-11 finish last season, I’m guessing their plea for a reconciliation will turn out the same way any other email like this does.  With a reply email bearing the subject “F*CK OFF!!!’ and the message, ‘I’m f*cking someone else, asshole.’ 

Ah well, tis better to have loved and lost as they say.

Tags: football, Jacksonville Jaguars, NFL

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