New Batting Helmet Won’t Protect Stupid People

Minor League Baseball has once again taken action to protect its members from serious head injuries.  Two seasons after base coaches became required to wear helmets after minor league coach Mike Coolbaugh was struck and killed by a line drive, players will be required to wear more protective batting helmets starting next year.  The decision may or may not have been made after Minor League officials watched Bull Durham again and noticed how erratic Nuke LaLoosh was in the minors.  (Ed. Note: It was not, but it would have been cool)

The new Rawlings S100 is said to be able to withstand a 100-mph pitch and I was initially under the impression that it cost $100.  That would have led me to say, ‘hey, naming your product after its price is a great idea.  I can’t wait for the new Lexus RX-Youcan’taffordit comes out.’  Unfortunately, I just misread S100 for $100 and I have no idea how much the helmet cost.  Hey, wait a second, the Internet probably knows.  Hang on…little more…wait for it…what do you know, Rawlings is retailing the helmet for $99.99!  You know, I could go back and delete all the superfluous information considering I’m not typing this live and just give you the joke I initially thought was appropriate, but I feel like we’ve bonded through this little journey.  Well, not yet considering as I’m writing this you haven’t read it yet.  You know, I had my doubts about this post when I started, but this is shaping up to be the best post ever.  I’d better put on my tuxedo now so I’ll be prepared when the Pulitzer people call.

On a related note, that’s related to the original topic of this article, which just to refresh your memory is the new batting helmet that will be used in the minor leagues next year, MLB players have publicly stated that the helmet is too bulky and uncomfortable.  I applaud their honesty.  No one has ever accused baseball players of being overly intelligent and they’re clearly not pretending to be something they’re not when they tell people that their comfort is more important than preserving their mental capacity.  I don’t know exactly what that line of thinking says for Adrian Beltre’s refusal to wear a cup.

David Wright, who was recently struck in the head by a pitch and sent to the DL with a concussion, is not one who is opting for comfort.  Perhaps the ball he was beaned with knocked some sense into him because he says he will try out the S100 when he returns to action.  If only every player would take a fastball off the coconut…you first, Chipper.

As for the minor league players, they aren’t required by rule to wear the helmets until the 2010 season, but each team will be sent six S100s to try out for the remaining games of this season.  Why only six?  Well, I can only speculate, but I assume its to make the manager’s job easier.  Now, instead of those gut-wrenching closed door meetings at the end of the year when players are told they won’t be invited back to the team, managers can just not give new batting helmets to the inconsequential players.  If you didn’t get a helmet, it means the club doesn’t care if you suffer brain damage from getting hit by a ball, which probably also means you won’t be playing for them next season.

Ed. Note: Are you as disappointed as I am after that video?  Not only was there not a demonstration of someone getting hit in the head by a 100-mph pitch, but there wasn’t even an actual homerun monkey.

Tags: baseball, David Wright, minor league, MLB

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