Herschel Walker Has Less Than A Year To Live

(March 3, 1962- His Strikeforce Debut)

It was announced today that former NFL-running back, Herschel Walker, is not expected to live past 2010.  This is sad news to be sure, but Walker doesn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him after he was diagnosed with terminal stupidity syndrome.  Doctors say there is no cure for TSS and most sufferers don’t make it past the age of 50.  Walker will be 48 next year.  To be clear, TSS does not kill its victims directly, but the decisions they make as a result of suffering from the illness often do.  In Walker’s case, he has inexplicably decided to start fighting in MMA.

Walker has signed an agreement with Strikeforce and will enter a training camp at the American Kickboxing Academy in San Jose, California.  No specific date has been set but it is estimated that it won’t take place until sometime in 2010.  Thus, Walker has been granted a brief stay of execution.

Many may be wondering how any self-respecting organization could allow a sick man like Walker to sign his own death warrant.  Strikeforce director of communications Mike Afromowitz was quick to address that concern by clumsily lying to everyone within earshot.

This isn’t a publicity stunt or a gimmick.  Herschel Walker has [Ed. Note: had] tremendous athleticism, and he has always shown that off the gridiron [except in the past 12 years]. He’s accomplished a lot in his life and in the world of sports. His accomplishments speak for themselves [I hope because I'm unfamiliar with them], and we hope that his athleticism can transition into a successful MMA career [or publicity and money for me].

Walker being diagnosed with TSS has even thrown his life’s accomplishments into question.  His 1992 participation in Olympic bobsledding is now being regarded as a result of his TSS.  Some are even wondering if his decision to play football was also made simply because of the TSS.

After his Strikeforce debut, Walker will be survived by his family and thousands of Georgia Bulldog fans who regard him as the greatest college running back of all-time, even though he clearly isn’t.

Donations to the TSS Support Fund can be made through Bootlegger Sports and we’d like to clarify that TSS is in no way related to Dissociative Identity Disorder with which Walker also suffers, although it is possible that only one of his personalities suffers from TSS.

Tags: football, Herschel Walker, MMA, NFL

2 Comments to Herschel Walker Has Less Than A Year To Live

bo HEADHUNTER holbrooks 4-1 last fight: L
October 2, 2009

YOUR STUPID

HERSCHEL HAS BEEN TRAINING MMA ALL HIS LIFE KARATE,JU-JITSU HE ALWAYS DONE WELL…PURPLE BELT (1 AWAY FROM BLACK)

I KNOW CUZ I FOLLOWED HIS CARRER AND LIFE ONCE HE PLAYED FOR GEORGIA WHICH IS MY SCHOOL

SO YES HE IS VERY CAPABLE OF WINNING

STRIKEFORCE ISNT A POOL OF GREAT TALENT….THEY GOT GOOD FIGHTERS..BUT MAJORITY IS GUYS WHO CANT COMPETE ON UFC LEVEL *COUGH *COUGH NICK DIAZ**

Charles Bronsin
November 11, 2009

I don’t know how Walker will fair in MMA, but he is a fantastic athlete. I do know he stays in great shape and takes care of his body.

I beleive he will hold his own against someone close to his skill level.

As for Walker being the greatest college running back ever, no, but one of the greatest. His SEC record for touchdows held for nearly three decades.

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