The Washington Wizards Are Different This Year

I, uh, well, uh, what?

Well, now that football season is a month old, is it time to start complaining about how underwhelming it is and move on to the next sport?  Come on, the NFL and NCAA football are so predictable.  It’s like, ‘ok, I get it already.  You guys are trying to kill each other and your games are incredibly entertaining.  Get a new angle, why don’t you.’  Thankfully, the NBA is on its way to save the day.  The regular season starts on October 27th, but the always thrilling pre-season gets underway on Thursday.  That basically means I can be complaining about the NBA pre-season by Thursday night and complaining about the regular season by Halloween.

The Washington Wizards had a less than memorable campaign last season.  I say less than memorable because I don’t remember their specific record and I don’t want to look it up.  They didn’t make the playoffs though, I’m almost positive of that.  This year, Gilbert Arenas is healthy for the moment and says he won’t be goofing around as much this year.

When I was entertaining and playing, all you guys focused on were my words. Now I’d rather that you guys just focused on my basketball.

The problem with focusing on Arenas’s basketball is that you realize that he’s not a very good point guard.  When he’s talking about being the Hibachi and whatever nonsense he can come up with, you get swept away.  But when he stops talking, you see that he’s a career 42-percent shooter and an average passer.  This will be Gil’s 9th year in the league.  You would think he would have learned by now that the NBA is all about marketing.  The NBA is where decent players become over-paid superstars through PR.

The other problem with Arenas dropping all the entertainment from his game is that it leaves a bad Wizards team without a draw.  Who wants to come see you lose night in and night out if there’s no threat of one of the star players doing something wacky?  Well, that’s where DeShawn Stevenson steps in.  He added more tats in the off-season including an Abe Lincoln portrait on his neck.  Why Abe Lincoln?  I could tell you that Deshawn is a big fan of his domestic policy, but I think we both know it’s because Stevenson is f*cking crazy as hell.  He also got a Pittsburgh Pirates ‘P’ under his eye, only he has it backwards.  Again, f’in crazy.  And of course, he has a crack drawn on his forehead.  Now this one I can explain.  Stevenson says “ I don’t crack.  I feel like people are always trying to break me, but I don’t crack.”  So, clearly if you want to show people that you don’t crack, you put a crack on yourself.  See, the Liberty Bell wanted to show people that it was indestructible too.

So there you have it.  The Wizards have lost the eccentricities of one superstar, but gained an eccentric role player.  Will the change in dynamic result in a successful season?  In a word, no.

Tags: basketball, Deshawn Stevenson, Gilbert Arenas, NBA, Washington Wizards

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