Monday Procrastination Dump

When I don't wear shirts at breakfast I get chest hair in my cereal

Fighting Cock Bourbon really needs to let this guy do their advertising.  <gobblercountry>

Shania Twain is going to give me a boner carry the Olympic torch in her home town.  Here’s a story loosely about the torch thing, and mostly about showing awesome pictures of Shania.  <sportressofblogitude>

Here’s a story about Lou Piniella deciding to get a lobotomy after the collapse of the Cubs season coupled with Chicago getting shot down for their Olympic bid.  I kind of assumed he’d just take a vacation to some tropical retreat and enjoy his millions of dollars and the next four months off.  Guess I was way off.  <sportspoof>

When Mark Sanchez isn’t getting his shit pushed in by the New Orleans defense, he’s reportedly nailing this beautiful USC runner.  Personally, I’m happy for Mark.  And by “happy for” I obviously mean “seething with jealousy and hate”.  The positive to all this is that she’s from Jersey, so there’s a good chance something dangerous is living in her vagina.  <bigleaguescrew>

Tonight will be so Favrey that I suspect the mute button will be utilized shortly after the start of the pregame show.  It’s a damn shame that Madden can’t be doing the game tonight, because he might actually pop.  Here’s about what it would sound like if he was still in the booth.  <neswsports>

Last week was rough for Brady Quinn.  So to get his mind off of how shitty things were he decided to attend a hip-hop show that promised to be equally shitty (Common).  Unfortunately for Brady, Common made a crack about him being a screw up and being replaced by Derek Anderson during the show.  I would pay someone a substantial amount of money for a picture of Quinn’s face when that joke was made.  <withleather>

How are Raiders fans taking the embarrassing loss in Houston this weekend?  Well, they’ve takend the “O” out of “Oakland” as a tribute to the complete lack of offense, if that answers your question.  I don’t mean to kick a team when they’re down (actually yes, yes I do), but with that logic shouldn’t they also remove the “D”s from their name as well, or would Acklan Raiers be too hard to figure out?  <justblogbaby>

Here’s video of a lineman for LSU puking during the Georgia game.  The thing is, I’ve seen people with LSU gear on vomit more than everyone else I’ve ever seen vomit combined.  I’ve seen frail, elderly women puking mixed drinks down their pearl necklaces.  I’ve seen them puke on each other, on themselves, in crowded bars and on public streets.  What I’m getting at is that people from the swamps are disgusting and not to be trusted.  <edsbs>

A pictorial essay of the Auburn-Tennessee game.  The jokes kind of make themselves with most of these shots.  <friendsoftheprogram>

That’s gonna do it for today, folks.  It’s time to go shower and wash the smell of strippers and Grandma off of me.  Had I opted to do this last night I probably wouldn’t have had such disturbing dreams.  Send link tips and story ideas to bootleggersports@gmail.com. 

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