NBA Now Loosely Based on Actual Basketball

Now that NBA teams have played their first few pre-season games, the rules committee has evidently decided that their current product resembles basketball a little too much.  So, in order to distance themselves from such antiquated ideas as dribbling, the NBA has officially re-written their rulebook to allow two full steps after a player picks up the ball.  Asked for comment, LeBron James had nothing to say, but did have dollar signs appear in his eyes, announcing their presence with the chiming of a cash register.

That sound you just heard was Dr. James Naismith rolling around in his grave.  Thankfully, under these new rules, he won’t be whistled for traveling.

Anyone who has seen an NBA game recently will point out that the refs gave players, especially the stars, two steps anyway.  So putting into the rulebook that way won’t really change the game.  But if players were being given two steps before even though the rule was clearly written as to allow only one step, how long will it be before players are taking 3 or 4 steps even though the rulebook clearly only allows two?  If you said one month give or take a month, you win the grand prize, which appears to be a season of dribbling-optional basketball.

Before long, bouncing balls will be reserved only for And 1 mixtapes, amateurs and of course, Lindsey Lohan’s chin.  Will it make the game unrecognisable?  Probably.  But, will it make the game more exciting?  Almost definitely…no.

Old timers like Walt Frazier are predictably taking a stance against the new rule.  Obviously, it was OK to cheat while they were breaking records and making money, but how dare someone try to cheat and break their holiest of holy records?  Somewhere, Hank Aaron nods with approval.

They go 20 feet to the hoop without dribbling one time,” Frazier said. “This is what they are getting away with nowadays. Some of them are so obvious. You’ll hear me on the broadcast saying ‘That’s a travel! Watch the feet!’ Wilt [Chamberlain] would have averaged 100 points a game if they had let him do that.

Ifs and butts and Chamberlain’s nuts and I forget exactly how the rest goes, but I’m pretty sure something something unprotected sex.  But back to the original point, which was why are we listening to what Walt Frazier has to say?  That’s not to say that I don’t agree with him, but just not on his principles.  ’We were so great in my day, we didn’t need to travel.  No sir.  Just give me a ball, a hoop, 2 lines of coke and a ho for halftime and I’ll give you 30 and 10,’ he might have said.

And then there’s this:

Archival footage shows NBA greats, from Magic Johnson and Pete Maravich to Bob Cousy and Julius Erving, getting away with two steps. Borgia, whose father was also an NBA official, said he cannot remember a time when NBA referees did not allow two steps.

So, in conclusion, suck it Walt Frazier.

Tags: basketball, NBA, Walt Frazier

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