God Love Mike Leach

Meh, they're not so fat

Sometimes a story comes along that is already so entertaining and humorous, I have a hard time inventing a way to make it better.  Everything that has anything to do with Stephon Marbury and Ron Artest is coming to mind.  And it appears Texas Tech coach Mike Leach after a loss should be added to that list as well.  By now, I’ve sure you’ve already heard this gem, uttered after the Red Raiders shocking loss to Texas A&M Saturday.

“We talked about not listening to our fat, little girlfriends. We said we’re not going to compare [Kansas State] scores.  Well, ha, ha, ha. Hee, hee, hee.

“I’d like to have a dollar for every time somebody said how many points we’re going to score. It’s all a bunch of crap. We got what we deserved. … If it was easy, I’d be coaching the Swedish bikini team.”

For the record, coaching the Swedish bikini team is easy, but I don’t think that’s what Leach meant.  It’s hard to tell what the coach is more upset about here, though, his team’s loss after a sub-par effort or the lack of quality tail in Lubbock.  I mean, if even the football players are settling for fatties, where does that leave the engineering students?  Somebody tell Steve Phillips that we’ve found his personal heaven.

Leach wasn’t done, however.  Apparently, some idiot thought Mike should apologize for being awesome and amazing and not giving the media the same old bland, boring post-game quotes.  Let’s just say that Leach politely declined.

As coaches, we failed to make our coaching points more compelling than (the players’) fat little girlfriends.  Fat little girlfriends have some obvious advantages. For one thing, their fat little girlfriends are telling them what they want to hear, which is how great you are and how easy it’s going to be.

[...]

I don’t know if I’ll be successful this week or not, but I am going to try and there will be some people inconvenienced, and if it happens to be their fat little girlfriends, too bad.

I like the tactic here.  Somebody had a problem with the term or phrase used previously, so when given the chance to apologize for it, Leach uses it four more times.  In this instance, it’s great.  I just hope that Larry Johnson doesn’t employ the same strategy:

I apologize to all the [gay slurs] for calling them [gay slurs].  It was a mistake on my part.  I do not have anything against [gay slurs].  In fact, some of my closest friends are [gay slurs].  You [gay slurs] are too sensitive.

Back to Leach, he refused to apologize for the ‘fat little girlfriends’ comment but apparently wanted to make it clear that he had nothing against fat people in general.  In order to get that point across, let’s talk about Mark Mangino.

I know Mark pretty well, and he’s a friend of mine.  Anybody that you have slumber parties with on the floor of the University of Oklahoma athletic complex outside your office… . You know, we slept in our offices when we first got there. There’d be nights of coffee, microwave popcorn and film. Well, film until Howard Stern came on.

No wonder Leach has been gaining weight since he left Oklahoma…all of a sudden, there’s alot more uneaten popcorn at his slumber parties.

Texas Tech will likely be favored in their match-up with Kansas this weekend, but for the sake of entertainment, I think we all need to be Jayhawks fans for a day.

Tags: football, Mark Mangino, Mike Leach, NCAA, Texas Tech

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