Walken Wednesday Dump

Blond Asian cheerleader? Am I in a Porky's remake?

Christopher Walken recites Poker Face.  If I awoke in the night hearing him do this I’d shit my pants.  That’s not just because something about this dude has always creeped me out, but because I also routinely shit my pants.  <youtube>

The Onion News Network reports that a 17-year-old girl tragically died in a car wreck, and that Glenn Beck tragically didn’t.  You can call it a fake news source all you want, I’ve never seen anything more true.  <theonion>

Generally Bail Bondsmen are sleazy dick bags, but I’ve got to give it to this one.  Absolutely one of the most clever commercials I’ve seen all year.  Celebrating Raiders’ fans coming to town as a boost in business is goddamn funny.  <outsidetheboxscore>

Will Bynum looks like he’s been playing ball with Brandon Spikes.  <detroit4lyfe>

I’ve seen toads with more animated expressions than Stan Van Gundy.  Can you imagine what this guy looks like having sex?  Assuming you can, can you imagine ever being able to get a boner again?  <neswsports>

The Cubs ownership group turns out to be 25% lesbian.  As in one in four is 100% lesbian.  But if you say 25%, it makes it sound like that girl you dated in high school who you totally could have had a three-some with had you known how to push it.  <sportingnews>

Want to feel bad about how boring your den/basement is to watch sports in?  If so, here’s a collection of awesome man caves that will make yours look like nothing more than a frumpy masturbatorium.  <brobible>

George Bush threw out the first pitch in a Japanese baseball game.  Of course there were protests outside… but Japanese people are really weak at protesting things.  Unlike those sexy Germans that Dylan wrote about yesterday.  It seems like if Japan and Germany teamed up together they could really accomplish a lot though.  They should think about doing that some time.  What do they have to lose, ya know?  <sportressofblogitude>

Enjoy your hump day.  I’m going to enjoy passing this Sushi.  But passing isn’t really the correct term for what’s about to happen.  It’s much more of a forceful fling.  Jet expulsion, if you will.  Mmmm… Sushi.  Send link tips and story suggestions to bootleggersports@gmail.com. 

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