Breaking News: Yale is Different Than Nebraska

Though this mouth-breather does resemble a former United States President and Yale graduate...

Boston.com often times has insightful and interesting stories.  This is not one of those times.  It is not necessary to point out that Nebraska is different than Yale.

Anyone impressed by hearing someone graduated from Nebraska is also going to be impressed by the new G.I. Joe movie and shiny things.  Anyone impressed by hearing that someone played football for Yale is foreign, doesn’t know what Yale is, and thinks you’re talking about soccer. 

But nonetheless, Boston.com today published a human interest piece about one player’s transition from riding the bench in Nebraska to starting at quarterback for Yale. 

Patrick Witt knew he wasn’t in Lincoln anymore when a fellow student at his Yale residential college asked if he was going to sign up for the tailgate before the Lafayette game.

Actually, I’m guessing he knew he wasn’t in Lincoln anymore because he wasn’t Helen Keller.  That and he was getting to play in an actual game, not just watch them from the bench. 

That was part of Witt’s metamorphosis from Corn Husker to Bulldog, which Yale people will tell you is a significant evolutionary upgrade.

Because they’re pompous assholes.  And then Nebraska people will tell you that there’s no such thing as evolution, and that Noah just didn’t make room for dinosaurs on the Arc. 

Last week Witt had a rough game at Princeton, throwing three interceptions and losing a fumble as the underdog Tigers hung a 24-17 defeat on the team they most love to hate.  If he’d had that kind of day with Nebraska, Witt likely would have been hanged in effigy across the state.

No.  No he wouldn’t have.  That’s one of the dumbest f*cking things I’ve ever read.  But to be fair, I haven’t read Going Rogue yet.  First, he wasn’t going to start at Nebraska.  Second, people pretty much stopped doing the whole effigy thing about 1776.  Which means this joke was tired by 1800. 

If Witt still were at Nebraska, he’d be playing against Kansas State this weekend with a trip to the Big 12 championship on the line and a bowl trip already assured. 

Sigh…  Really?  If Witt were playing at Nebraska they would still have won the Big 12 North?  He didn’t do jack shit against Princeton, but he would have knocked off Oklahoma and Missouri?

The story goes on to point out that he’s happy that nobody gives a crap about Yale football, and so it makes being terrible much easier.  And I think that’s really the important lesson from this story. 

I hope it’s read to children in public schools across the land.  If you suck and are getting criticized, don’t try to improve yourself, instead run away from your problems and find people who don’t care if you’re crappy at what you do.  Like leaving conventional journalism to write a sports blog…

Tags: College Football, NCAA, Nebraska, Yale

No comments yet.

Leave a comment