It’s Already Effing December Dump

I wish mall Santas were more like this

Today we usher in the darkest, most suicide-filled month of the year.  Happy f*cking December.

Colin Cowherd got dropped in a dunk tank.  But someone forgot to fill it with electric eels and razor blades.  Sigh.  <outsidetheboxscore>

Like Adrian Peterson, I disapprove of the purple Christmas tree.  It’s nothing against purple Christmas trees, I just don’t like Christmas trees.  Or purple.  <stylepointsblog>

NHL drug paraphernalia.  I’m sure Gary Bettman approves of this, in that “shit his pants with rage” sort of way.  <sportressofblogitude>

Here’s the Alabama-Auburn game, The Iron Bowl if you will, story in pictures.  Minus the physical fights and shots from the drunk tank, I’d say this pretty much sums it up.  <friendsoftheprogram>

I’m guessing that after last night’s 5 TD performance the “Breesus” thing is only going to pick up steam.  That’s “Brees + Jesus” for those of you that are stupid.  Here’s some great Breesus pictures.  <deuceofdavenport>

It’s Pablo Escobar’s birthday today.  And on December 3 is his death day.  I must say that “died in a hale of gunfire” is much more fascinating than “baby comes out of vagina”.  <rumorsandrants>  

And here is the inner monologue of a Twilight fan going to the new movie.  Sadly, this covers only half of the audience at a Twilight movie.  The other half are grown-ass women and gay men, but nobody wants that creepy pedo-rific inner monologue.  Nope.  I’ll stick with that of a tween girl.  Mmmmm.  <holytaco>

Here is the first picture of Jaden Smith as the new Karate Kid.  I tried to watch the old Karate Kid about a year ago, and only made it about 15 minutes.  And no, asshole, not because that’s when I finished.  I parole officer might read this.  <filmdrunk>

Well that’s enough kiddie jokes for one day.  Send story ideas and link tips to bootleggersports@gmail.com.

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