Chad Ochocinco is Really On His Game

I think we can all agree that Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco’s main goal in life is to get attention.  By the way, I didn’t really think I needed to include a title in a name like Chad Ochocinco, but I didn’t want you to get confused and think I was talking about a respective lawyer or doctor or man about town.  Anyway, assuming Chad craves attention and dedicates all of his time to it, he’s been extremely efficient lately.  Honestly, Chad Ochocinco is better at getting people to talk about him than anyone else at anything ever.  No…no I don’t think that’s hyperbole.

Above you can watch the video of Chad’s touchdown celebration from Sunday’s game against Detroit.  As if scoring a touchdown against Detroit was something to celebrate.  What’s next, celebrating because you have more money than people in Detroit?  Well, sort of.

Chad has also been making news lately because he’s been paying bills like a Detroit resident, as in not at all.  Allegedly, Chad defaulted on a car loan and still owes nearly $35-thousand to Daimler Chrysler for a 2008 Dodge Challenger he purchased more than a year ago.  Considering he has paid significantly more than $35-thousand to the NFL in fines, one would have to assume that defaulting on his loan was motivated by pure idiocy or a desire to make news, neither of which can be ruled out at this point.

To his credit, though, Chad purchased the car under the name Chad Johnson so it would be completely understandable that he kept getting bills sent to Mr. Johnson and figured they weren’t for him.  Obviously, when I say ‘understandable’ I mean in this context it is understandable.  In the same way that it would be understandable for Chad to try to fly to the moon or fuse his DNA with that of a tiger.

With Chrysler now suing Chad, he was forced to give a sworn deposition, which led to a lawyer involved in the case letting fly with what may be the most accurate description of Chad the world has ever heard.  Eric Deters remarked that Chad has the “mental agility of a soap dish.”

Which leads us to the other plea for attention from Chad this week.  Apparently, he’s still using UStream, like Stephon Marbury mid-breakdown, to broadcast his every whim.  This Sunday, just hours before the Bengals took on the Lions, Ochocinco apparently announced that he’s considering changing his name again, this time to ‘Hachi Go’, which is Japanese for, of course, eighty-five.  He says he was learned that he has a lot of Japanese fans and they want to see this happen.  But what of his German fans, and me, who want to see him called Chad Fünfundachtzig?  Or, considering that lawyers statement about Chad, why not just change his name to something more descriptive of his actual personality.  I give you, Chad Jabonera, which may or may not mean Chad Soap Dish.

Complimentary ‘Chad Jabonera’ jersey to Bryan for the tip.

Tags: Chad OchoCinco, Cincinnati Bengals, football, NFL

1 Comment to Chad Ochocinco is Really On His Game

JB
December 11, 2009

And the best part is that…Hachi Go is incorrect too! That’s 8-5. Eighty five is Hachi Ju Go.

What an idiot.

Leave a comment