Ron and Clinton Drive Tiger To The Edge

Meet the voices of reason

Tiger Woods is certainly an individual who could use some god advice right about now.  Obviously, he’s gone astray, down the wrong path and needs some help getting his life back together.  Of course, the fact that now Clinton Portis and Ron Artest are dispensing the advice will probably do more to make him want to kill himself.  I know Clinton and Ron’s hearts are in the right place, but when your life is so f*cked up that Ron Artest and a guy with seven different personalities see your situation and think that you’re worse off than they are, it doesn’t exactly make you happy to be alive.

Ron Artest got the unsolicited train started on his personal blog.

You made a mistake and you admitted your infidelity. I have made the same mistakes. Before I got married to my wife, I had a baby with another young lady, after I already had two by my girlfriend who is now my wife. We also had another baby which makes three for us and four for me … My wife is a much better wife than I am a husband. We still argue and disagree after being together 16 years. and I still cope with the fact that there are so many women out there and I choose to stay loyal to my wife.

So, right off the bat Ron makes it sound like Tiger’s biggest mistake was admitting to the whoring and then he closes by saying he’s having to “cope with the fact” that there’s plenty of ladies begging for Ron-Ron and he’s made the stupid choice to be faithful.  God, Ron’s almost better in print than he is on video.  This is the same guy, by the way, who hand-picked a model and financed his own photo-shoot in order to get close to said model.  If you add in some creepy, needy text messages, that’s Tiger.

Clinton Portis would likely be considered more put together and credible than Ron Artest, but his advice to Tiger seems more like gloating than anything.

I say don’t get married, if it’s not out of your system. I’m not married. You know, I would love to be able to say, I’m a perfect guy, yeah, baby, yeah. I’m not. You know, I’m gonna have temptations. If I find the temptation worth fulfilling, I’m gonna fulfill my temptation. If that ends up getting me in trouble at times, you know, I’ll deal with it then. But right now I’m not married, and I’m 28 years old, and I’m gonna enjoy my life … If he could keep that a secret and ain’t nobody came out and told [on him], hey, congratulate him. You know, most of the time there’s one or two, and you can’t keep that a secret. So if he can balance 14 and keep it a secret, congrats.

Uhh, Clinton?  He couldn’t keep it a secret…that’s pretty much the seed for this whole ordeal.  Where were you with this peal of wisdom when Tiger was getting hitched though?  Don’t you think it would have been more helpful then to say ‘hey, you shouldn’t get married at all’ rather than waiting until he’s destroyed his life and then piling on with ‘hey man, you shoulda never got married.’  Unless Doc Brown’s around the corner with the DeLorean, that advice isn’t going to help much.

Also not helping is rubbing Tiger’s face in the fact that you not only aren’t married, but also that you are free to whore it up and not have to answer to anyone.  I wonder if he also enjoys speeding past car accidents and screaming out, ‘hey, you should’ve avoided that pole.’

With some of his sponsors abandoning him, his marriage on the rocks and his precious whores getting filled elsewhere, Tiger is likely in a pretty fragile state right now.  The advice of two of sports most ridiculous characters isn’t going to help.  And here I thought John Daly looking like the level headed one was bad.

Tags: Clinton Portis, Ron Artest, Tiger Woods

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