Ground Pig Day Dump

Because she looks better topless than Bill Murray does

You know when you’re playing a basketball game on XBox, and you hit the wrong damn button because you were excited?  Well Rudy Gay had that happen to him in real life.  Either that or somewhere there’s a ginger kid with a Rudy Gay avatar who’s still getting the hang of these damn controls.  <detroit4lyfe>

Nick Swisher made a cameo appearance on “How I Met Your Mother.”  And amazingly, I was able to overcome the overwhelming boringness of that sentence and type that entire thing without falling asleep and hitting my head on the keyboard.  Otherwise it would have looked like this:  Nick Swisher made a cameo appearance on “Hodhjumcvkl////////////////////////////  <outsidetheboxscore>

I don’t know what the inspiration for “Punxsutawne Polamalu” was, but I do believe I’ll be seeing that horrid little thing in my nightmares, biting my ankles and breaking my toes.  <sportressofblogitude>

You have probably heard by now that Rip Torn was arrested for breaking into a bank while loaded with a gun that was equally loaded.  Well here’s some updates on what was going through Mr. Torn’s head that evening.  Other than blood that was pumping more than 20% alcohol at the time, of course.  <filmdrunk>

While mock Tim Tebow Super Bowl ads are very much appreciated, we’d all like you a lot more if you’d start making ones that didn’t suck a big fat one.  Like some doctor warning Mrs. Tebow about the dangers of continuing with this pregnancy, and she tells them she won’t terminate, and then the alien from Alien stuffs it’s head out of her and eats her tits or something.  Maybe I better take that back to the drawing board.  <withleather>

Can you hear this sound?  If you can, then you’re still young and should be happy.  If you can’t, then you’re old and should probably be probably start getting your affairs in order, as you can expect to die pretty soon.  <theoatmeal>

This is long, but worth the read; it’s the Chicago Beer Tour.  The big picture at the top is the bar at the oldest restaurant in Chicago, the Berghoff.  They were also the first place in Illinois to regain a license to sell alcohol after the end of prohibition.  You won’t find boring facts like that in this beer tour guide, but I thought I’d flex my booze muscles for you while I had a chance.  <mademen>

Speaking of Chicago, here’s a zitty fat kid doing a racist impression of Carlos Zambrano selling cereal with glass in it.  I hope his life is full of face punches and anal fissures.  <notqualifiedtocomment>

That’s it for Ground Pig Day.  Unless I get clever and re-post this same thing like 8 times.  You know.  Like the movie… Get it?  No, you go to hell.  No, it’s you that’s not funny.   You think this is easy, jackass?  The sun doesn’t even rise for another hour.  Kiss my ass.  Nuh-uh, you are.  Send tips and links to bootleggersports@gmail.com.   

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