Allen Iverson in: A Very Unshocking Story

What do you mean this guy doesn't make great decisions?

Allen Iverson left the Philadelphia 76ers after only 25 games this season to deal with some personal issues, namely his daughter’s illness and impeding divorce.  I led with that information because it makes Iverson out to be a fairly sympathetic figure.  That image quickly fades as this story progresses.  Not necessarily because AI is such a bad guy, but rather because he’s now a former NBA player doing what former NBA players do.

So, now you might be thinking to yourself, ‘what exactly do former NBA players do?’  Well, let’s consider the former NBA players whose whereabouts are currently known and use them for precedent.

Jalen Rose is an analyst for ESPN and is following in the footsteps of other former NBAers.

Michael Jordan is about to become the owner of an NBA team and other former NBA stars have taken jobs in the front office or in coaching.

Antoine Walker is in and out of prison and owes a fortune in gambling debts.

Jayson Williams is headed to prison for manslaughter and recently was charged with a DUI after blowing a .19 BAC.

Oh, also Michael Jordan’s gambling issues have been well documented.  And, I don’t want to make false accusations but I’m willing to bet they all know how to buy the bar and get shit-faced.

In short, I could have made this a lot simpler by just saying, ‘former NBA players drink and gamble.’  But, I needed to pad my word count.  Thanks for going on this journey with me.

So, connect the dots.  Iverson is no longer a current player.  Former players gamble and drink.  So, by the transitive property: Iverson

will either drink himself into oblivion or gamble his life away…

Iverson’s gambling problem is serious enough that he has been banished from casinos in Detroit and Atlantic City, N.J.

That information coming courtesy of Stephen A. Smith’s column in the Philadelphia Inquirer.  I personally think Screamin’ A would have been better served to say that Iverson will either drink his life away or gamble himself into oblivion.  I mean really, how do you gamble your life away?  Where can I find a bookie that will accept my life as a viable bet?  How much money would one’s life be worth in a bet anyway?  If you know the answers to any of these questions, please let me know.  I’m just saying…I know a sure thing and I don’t have much in the way of disposable income.

So, as the headline suggests, this story is not in the least bit surprising.  Stephen A’s next report should tell us how much Kenyon Martin likes tattoos.  Or how much Shawn Kemp enjoys unprotected sex.  Or he could break the lid off of his own cheese doodle addiction.  All would likely be more hard hitting than Allen Iverson, compulsive gambler and drunk.

Tags: Allen Iverson, drunk, NBA, Stephen A. Smith

1 Comment to Allen Iverson in: A Very Unshocking Story

sunshine
May 3, 2010

I luv dis picture he is my answer !!!!

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