Green Irish Dump

What happens when you pinch someone wearing green?

Blah blah blah Tiger Woods April 8 blah blah blah media orgasm blah blah.  After all this, if you’re still interested in this story you really, really need to get laid.  Because I just kinda need to get laid, and I don’t give a shit at all.  You must be in bad shape.  <outsidetheboxscore>

Everyone’s bombarding you with stats, figures, formulas and predictions.  So here’s some more.  I call it basketball bukakke.  These are the best backcourts entering the tournament.  <notqualifiedtocomment>

In the Special Olympics, everyone is a winner.  Especially this guy who hit a really great, half-court shot.  Never mind that it came after the buzzer.  They’d quit keeping score anymore anyway.  Stop being such a jerk about this.  <withleather>

Every holiday has lots of stupid t-shirts, and St. Patrick’s day is more the standard than the exception.  So here’s a lot of them.  Oddly enough, most of the people modeling these tired slogans are hot girls.  Strange how that happens.  <saltymilk>

I think Kirstie Alley made a witch really angry.  But the witch wasn’t very good, so when she cast a spell to turn Kirstie into a toad it took a really long time to start working.  But I think it’s getting there now.  <wwtdd>

And here are a bunch of fantasy team and league names.  For you uncreative type out there.  Though I do really like Byrnes When I Peavy.  <fantasyteamnames>

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.  You’re required to get drunk and punch a snake today.  The only Saint who’s miracle is more fake than chasing all the snakes off Ireland is St. George, who you can thank for making dragons extinct.  They should make me a Saint, because I chased all the chupacabra’s out of Poland.  Send story suggestions and link tips to bootleggersports@gmail.com.

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