Alfonso Soriano Has A Theory

Take that you damned economy

The Chicago Cubs are 15-12 and 2.5 games back in the NL Central.  They’ve played less than 17-percent of a 162 game season and yet, the Wrigley Field faithful are restless.  The dreams of an undefeated season were dead on April 7 and the boo-birds seemingly have taken permanent roost ever since. 

Some players say they understand why they’re being booed.  The team has incredibly high expectations and an enormous pay-roll.  Left fielder Alfonso Soriano doesn’t think any of that is the reason for the jeers, however.  Actually, he thinks it’s not even about baseball.

”I think the frustration is affecting everyone,” Soriano said. ”Everybody in the United States — because of the economy.”

I never thought of it like that.  Maybe that’s because I have a college degree and a fully-functioning brain.  I believe, as Alf said, the floundering economy is affecting everyone so why isn’t everyone getting booed?  Take Detroit, if I’m to believe CBS, Michigan State not winning the NCAA basketball title has doomed them to another year of suffering from the economy.  Yet, the Tigers play on without being verbally berated.  As far as I know, at least.  I don’t watch Tigers’ games. 

Soriano is really just trying to keep his confidence in tact.  Surely, fans wouldn’t boo the great So-So, they must be upset about the economy.  Hitting .270 as a lead-off man is actually very respectable.  He does LEAD THE TEAM in strikeouts.  And who could boo a guy who can hop while fielding fly balls?  That is a unique and bankable skill. 

It must be the economy because obviously Soriano is un-booable.

Tags: Alfonso Soriano, baseball, Chicago Cubs, MLB

Piniella’s a Dirt Bag? No… This Cartoon Just Sucks

"That, son, is Lou Piniella-?? He's the Rod Blagojevich of Major League Baseball."

Above, is a not-funny cartoon from a not-good newspaper, the Chicago Sun Times.  What isfunny is that the dirt-bag, former governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich thought it was worth sending to Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella with some hand-written advice.  Keep in mind this is advice from a politician less popular than George W. Bush.  He’s the one who tried to sell President Obama’s Senate seat while being wire tapped for all the other shady shit he’d done.

This little message was released to the Chicago Tribune yesterday.  For those of you that can’t read Douchish, here’s what his little message says:

Dear Lou, I saw this in this mornings Sun-Times.  What a great compliment for me.

Sincerely, Rod Blagojasquiggle

P.S. Have you thought about batting Soriano third, Lee fourth and Ramirez fifth?

I wonder if “P.S. Have you thought about batting Soriano third, Lee fourth and Ramirez fifth?” is code for, “Do what I say and then give me credit for the success or I’ll have your family killed.”

Considering Blagojevich threatened the stop the Tribune Company from selling Wrigley Field and the Cubs if they didn’t fire some writers he didn’t like, this isn’t that far-fetched.

Today Lou Piniella had to field questions about his relationship with Blagojevich, because he’s like the anti-Midas, in that everyone’s life he touches turns into a pile of shit.  Lou did good by for himself, by insulting the advice, but sorta threw Cubs fans under the bus.

“I’ve talked to him, baseball-wise.  He’s a big Cubs fan.  Obviously we didn’t heed his advice”

Cubs fans everywhere are really happy with Lou for that.  I’m sure they really appreciate Lou mentioning that one of the most hated politicians in the country is also a big Cubs fan.  That’s like a bank getting an endorsement from Bernie Madoff.  Cool Lou.  Real cool.

Tags: Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, baseball, Chicago Cubs, Derrick Lee, douchebaggery, Lou Piniella, MLB

It’s Not Baseball Season Yet Dammit

Slow down buddy, there's alot of boring stories left to be told

On a sunny, summer day in mid-July, it’s a nice change of pace to grab a couple of beers and relax in your air-conditioned house while a slow paced baseball game plays out on your TV.  But here we are in mid-February, my air conditioner might have been abducted by aliens for all I know and the last thing I want to hear about is baseball.  Apparently, the mainstream media disagrees with me about what I want to hear about. 

This isn’t baseball season.  You know how I know?  Because papers across the country are running stories like this:

Alfonso Soriano might not hit lead-off for the Cubs this year.  I might not watch my dog lick itself for 20 minutes and wonder why God didn’t give me that ability.  Which of these stories was a bigger waste of your time?

Astros’ pitcher Mike Hampton has a “glitch” in his EKG.  This explains alot… which part of your heart do you use to throw a curve ball?  Even the Astros call this detail “minor”.  If this is the best MLB.com can do, imagine what reporters with less access are coming up with.

The Tigers’ have two new catchers.  Jesus Christ, the most interesting part of this story is that one of them is Misty May’s husband.  This story should be called, don’t draft a Tigers’ catcher in fantasy baseball.

Joe Mauer is recovering from surgery.  So, this is an update of a story you did after he had surgery two months ago that said he would be recovering for the next three months.  In other news, Ted Williams continues to recover from death.

Jason Bay showed up.  That’s it…I’m off to burn my baseball glove.  Come and get me when the Cubs are officially eliminated.

Tags: Alfonso Soriano, baseball, Chicago Cubs, Detroit Tigers, Houston Astros, Jason Bay, Joe Mauer, Mike Hampton, Misty May, MLB