Why the F*ck I’m Suing Twitter: By Tony La Russa

I've got 3.5 reasons for suing Twitter.

Hey there sports fans.  Big Tony here.  It went public today that I’ve filed a lawsuit against Twitter because some bird-lipped pole smoker has been posting fake “tweets” in my name.  So I thought the best PR move I could make was to get on an obscure sports blog and give you some reasons for my law suit.

First of all, I don’t have any fucking clue what Twitter is or how it works.  I’m Tony Goddamn La Russa.  I don’t have time for stupid baby shit.  And let me tell you somethin’ else.  Nobody, and I mean nobody, fucks with Tony Fuckin’ La Russa.  You think it’s funny pretending to be me?  Huh?  I’ll break you’re fucking neck you limp dicked little fuck.  I’ll feed you you’re own sack.

You think you can pretend to be the Big La Russa?  I was a fucking attorney, asshole!  I could win this lawsuit on my own.  But I have a Major League fucking team to manage.  I’ve won manager of the year 4 fucking times.  I’ve won five pennants and two World Series.  I pull at least one double switch per fucking game.  You have any idea how asinine that is?  I do it just because it’s hard.  It doesn’t even make sense most of the time, but I do it anyway.  Because I’m Tony Fucking La Russa.  I bet you couldn’t double switch those cocks spit roasting you right now if you had a manual written on your boyfriend’s stomach.  Shit kicker.

So I’m taking you down, you little prick.  And I’m taking down your little baby friends too.  The whole God Damned thing is coming down, you understand me?  You can go back to tweeting cocks and twittering ass holes for all I care.  By the time I’m through with you you’ll wish you’d died of AIDS.  Because nobody embarrasses Tony La Russa but Tony Fucking La Russa. 

So there’s a video of me staggering around like a sailor on shore leave, big fuckin’ deal.  It’s way more embarassing and damaging to my character that an obviously fake (cough) post of me went out on the Internet a few times.  So all you Twittering faggots take heed.  You fuck with Big Tony, and I’ll pull your whole fuckin’ world down.  Go Cards, God bless.

-Tony F’ing La Russa

*Editor’s Note: Please don’t sue us Mr. La Russa.  We don’t have any money.

Tags: baseballl, douchebaggery, MLB, St. Louis Cardinals, Tony LaRussa