Denial and the BCS: A Love Story

Bill Hancock, BCS Chief and spokesman for handsome cream

The BCS recently hired a new executive director who began his tenure Thursday by pissing off everyone but the two schools slated to play for this season’s national championship.  Clearly, they made the right decision on who should get the job.

Bill Hancock, who’s name naturally has some reference to ‘dick’ because it’s a prerequisite for his position, made his first act as BCS Chief by telling everyone how great the system he’s inherited is.  Cincinnati, Boise State and TCU, you’ll have to be quiet.  The Chief is talking.

I know this is not completely popular, but I believe in it.  I believe it is in the best interest of the universities.

I’m not going to tell you again, Cincinnati, Boise State and TCU.  Hancock might as well have said ‘I know this system is terrible, but screw you, everyone, I don’t really care.’  It’s essentially the same message.

He went on to make the tired argument that “college football has never been better” so why change things?  Good point.  Afghanistan has also never been better, so clearly it’s beyond fault and now one of the elite, most advanced countries in the world.  Yep, there’s not a damn thing I would want to change about Afghanistan now that it’s better than the steaming shit-pile that it was recently.

Why is it that idiots with flawed products tend to adopt the ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ policy while people with outstanding products adopt a ‘how much can we screw with a good thing before we break it’ policy?  For example, the BCS is better than a system where you can end up with more than one champion, so it must be the perfect system.  Meanwhile, the NCAA men’s basketball tournament is widely regarded as the greatest event in U.S. sports, so naturally the powers that be are seriously considering butchering it beyond all recognition and adding somewhere along the lines of every team that has played basketball anywhere ever. [Ed. Note: The previous statement may contain some hyperbole.]

Furthermore, why haven’t I been asked to take over as the decision maker on all of this as clearly I have the best ideas?  adjusts bowtie.  notices hole in boxers.

Back to Hancock:

The fact is what we have right now works.  Who would you ask not to be a part of this?

To which everyone within earshot replied, ‘What?’  I know there’s a sic that belongs in there somewhere, but I’m not quite sure where.  If only I could watermark the entire statement with a giant sic and be done with it.

The Chief’s nonsensical statement aside, how exactly is a system where at least one team gets screwed every year in everyone’s best interest?  The only teams happy about the BCS every year are the two that play for the national title.  And that’s not even the case this season as Colt McCoy refused to back off of his indictment of the system now that his team is in the big game, after being snubbed last season.  Kudos to you, Colt, but clearly you don’t have what it takes to win a title.  Anyone who sticks to their beliefs and morals doesn’t deserve to be associated with the BCS.  Now, Nick Saban on the other hand…there’s a BCS champion.

Tags: Alabama, BCS, Bill Hancock, Colt McCoy, douchebaggery, football, NCAA, Nick Saban, Texas

What We Learned From The Fiesta Bowl

Sorry 'G' and 'F', you'll need to move back a few rows.

There was a BCS bowl game allegedly contested Monday night in Arizona but why would anyone be talking about the football when there was so much greatness present elsewhere in the stadium.  Namely the hotness of TCU’s women and of course the newest Internet sensation, sad cowbell girl from Boise State’s band.  The two are on opposite ends of nearly every spectrum I can come up with but if anyone tries to talk to about anything else involving this game, you are allowed, nay legally obligated by the Constitution to punch them in the penis.  Ben Franklin enjoyed a good penis punch.

Let’s begin with said hotness.  My God, who knew Horned Frogs were so sexy.  The cheerleading squads were one thing, I mean they were some of the best looking ladies I’ve seen patrolling the sidelines, and bleachers in front of the band, this bowl season but many schools have gorgeous cheerleaders.  Tip of the cap to you, Oregon.  But I was more impressed by the general lady population sporting the purple and white black purple?  It seemed like the FOX cameras were on a mission to find a TCU fan to rival the mouth breathing potato mutants of Boise, but they were never able to succeed.  I’m sure Bronco fans are going to get all sensitive about being called mutants like it’s such a bad thing.  What about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?  They were goddam heroes.

If anyone who happens to read these ramblings actually goes to school at TCU, please correct me if I’m wrong.  I’m assuming an email was sent out from the highest authority on campus that instructed all Horned Frogs faithful to allow the hottest among them to sit closest to the field where the cameras would see them.  Homelier but still moderately attractive individuals would fill in behind them and in the upper decks while the fatties would be chained to radiators in their rooms in Fort Worth.  Another bit of inspiration from Ben Franklin, I believe.  If this isn’t the case, I’m afraid TCU is swarming with grade A poon and the folks in Fort Worth have been keeping it a secret so they can horde it for themselves.  Shame on you people.  At least take more pictures to be posted on the Internet.  How else will people know whether or not I would ‘hit that’ or not?

Moving on to the other star of the Fiesta Bowl…who said the Boise State defense?  Get the hell out.  No, the other star was this girl.  Poor thing submitted her performance just minutes before the Internet caught on fire from rampant digital finger pointing and laughing.  Plus, there’s already plenty of good parodies.  Like this…and this.  Hooray!  Other people’s misery makes me briefly forget my crippling depression.  Aww, now I feel bad again.

Tags: BCS, Boise State, Fiesta Bowl, football, NCAA, TCU

Jimbo Fisher is Gonna Be Pissed

Bobby finds the crushing of another man's dreams hilarious

The Florida State Seminoles finished last football season ranked in the top 25 for the first time in four years.  In January, many assumed that 2009 would be a promising season for the ‘Noles, with an outside chance for them to make a title run in 2010.  Now, we know that their receiving corp has been decimated by legal issues and Bobby Bowden’s win total could be decimated by the NCAA.  A top 20 finish looks much less likely now than it did just 6 months ago.  A national title in Tallahassee looks like it could be years away, which is why Jimbo Fisher is probably preparing his resume. 

The Seminoles’ offensive coordinator has been tagged as the head coach designate and will take the lead when Bowden steps down, which is expected to be after 2010.  At the ACC’s media day, Bowden suggested he might be sticking around for a minute.  “Definitely I want to win a national championship again,” Bowden said, “I wish I could leave here on top.”  I’m assuming that means his retirement present will be a tombstone. 

Even playing in a declining ACC, Florida State won’t be a favorite to win a BCS title, or even a conference title, in the foreseeable future.  This means that while Fisher’s job has always been to help FSU win a title, now his promotion depends on him winning one… or at least convincing Bobby Bowden that they’ve won one.  Has anyone tried winning a championship with the Seminoles on NCAA 2010 and showing Bowden the title game?  If you wait until February and start talking about all the memories that you have and slip a championship ring on his finger, then show him the video game and maybe make a fake trophy to have in the trophy case, I think it might work.  He’s about to be 80, I think you could convince him that his entire career was just a dream if you really sold it. 

If you’re some kind of Bowden supporter then I would suggest investing in some security for the coach before next season.  Eventually, Fisher is going to realize that this team doesn’t have a chance in hell of winning a title and Bowden isn’t leaving quietly without one.  And that’s when he’ll buy a pet Gator and invite Bobby over to feed it steaks.  It’s the irony that makes it so perfect.  Or maybe it’s poetic justice.

Tags: BCS, Bobby Bowden, Florida State, football, NCAA

Back to Secret Ballots For College Coaches

Just Not My Ballot

The American Football Coaches Association announced today that starting in 2010 the final regular-season USA Today Coaches Poll will be confidential once again.  They made this decision after asking Gallop for advice on how to make college football better.

Other changes include only ranking 10 or 15 teams instead of 25, and also possibly doing away with preseason rankings.

And why not?  Isn’t this exactly what all the fans have been screaming for?  I think everyone agrees that the biggest problem with the BCS is it’s transparency, openness and fairness.  Making the post-season selections more secretive and less inclusive,  while adding some more distractions, controversy and vindictiveness is just what college football needs. 

Unfortunately some coaches just don’t seem to get it.  Mark Richt of Georgia is obviously a Paranoid Polly, and was just a Negative Nancy about the whole thing. 

“I think there needs to be some accountability. … It’s probably not good. … I didn’t mind opening up my vote.  I vote myself.  I don’t give it to a GA.  I literally will sit up.  I don’t usually sleep after a game anyway, and I might call my vote in at 1 or 2 in the morning and I try to make it make sense.  I want to be able to defend my vote every week whether it’s public or not.

Yeah, whatever Mark.  I think I speak for all football fans when I say that we want to know as little about how and why teams are selected to play in the BCS as possible.  And I’m sure that no coach would intentionally drop a competitor or rival in the rankings for personal gain or revenge.  Lane Kiffin comes to mind… But I’m sure that’s just silly talk.

Now, Urban Meyer on the other hand seems to get it, and gave this ringing endorsement.

“I think that’s good.  I don’t really have a strong feeling one way or the other.  But I think it’s fine.  I think there’s arguments both ways.  We all know how competitive things are, whether it be a fan base, whether it be recruiting, whether it be friendships.  I think at some point you have to trust the people who vote.  Obviously Grant Teaff and the people who oversee it will look at it will look at it, and if someone’s voting and it doesn’t make much sense, I think they’ll pull their ballot.”

Yes, there it is.  The most glowing approval the A.P. could get was “it’s fine I guess.”  And I think it’s great how Meyer justifies this by falling back on the level-headed, unbiased, fair-mindedness of the AFCA director.

I hope the next rule changes include secret replays so that only officials can see them and a classified, subjective scoring system based on the quality of the thouchdown.  Sports are so boring without shitty, pointless controversy.

Tags: BCS, College Football, Lane Kiffin, Mark Richt, NCAA, Urban Meyer

Being A BCS Shill is Profitable

That's right BCS, back it up, back up the money truck

It’s no secret that Bootlegger Sports does not support the BCS in its current form.  At least, I don’t.  The other guy has some stupid interesting ideas and opinions.  Maybe, just maybe, I’ve been taking the wrong side on this issue all along.  See, there’s good money and a future in blindly supporting the BCS… just ask J.C. Watts.  

A former University of Oklahoma quarterback and congressman, Watts has taken in $620-thousand over the past 5 years performing as a lobbyist for the BCS.  That’s roughly $620-thousand more than it pays to be a BCS-hater. 

I can’t blame Watts here because who wouldn’t take that kind of money to defend a flawed college football system.  It’s not like he’s an advocate for radiation poisoning or child pornography, at least not publicly.  He saw an opportunity to add to his political resume and make some serious coin.  Well done sir.  I had an opportunity to do the same once, but I accidentally set the videotape on a magnet. 

Not only does Watts make money in this deal, he actually helps his campaign to eventually become governor of Oklahoma.  During his tenure as lobbyist, the Sooners have gone to the title game twice under questionable circumstances.  First, getting the nod over fellow unbeaten, Auburn, in ‘04 and getting shellacked by USC.  Then, finishing ahead of Texas in ‘08 despite identical records and losing to the Longhorns head-to-head.  So, I think it’s safe to say there are a number of voters who support the work of a BCS lobbyist. 

But honestly, this story isn’t about Watts.  You don’t hear about a lobbyist for a college football system and think, ‘I wonder who it is and how much he makes?’  You probably think, ‘why the hell is there a BCS lobbyist?’  Watts himself isn’t sure it’s topic Congress should be concerned with.

“They have phenomenal issues they have to deal with,” Watts said.  “Health care, wars, financial crisis, and even if you take the financial crisis out of the mix, they still have tremendous responsibilities.”

This guy is making more than $120-thousand per year because politicians want to legislate college football and even he is willing to admit that there are more important issues to discuss.  That’s crazier than a prostitute telling you up-front she has Herpes. 

If Congress insists on tinkering with college football, we need to get Watts out of Washington.  He’s clearly too level headed and diplomatic to allow the BCS to be thrown away.  As you may already know, I am neither of those things and under my watch, the BCS would be history in 2 years.  Plus, I’d make a cool $248-thousand for failing at my job.  I’d be a poor man’s George W. Bush.

Tags: Auburn, BCS, Congress, football, J.C. Watts, NCAA, Oklahoma, Texas, USC