SPOILER ALERT: The Haney Project Ending

Charles Barkley’s golf swing is often referred to as ‘the world’s worst’ and it’s hard to disagree.  You would think that it was actually just the most famous terribleturribull swing, but I think it would be difficult to find someone whose swing looked worse.  You could hand a golf club to a native in the rainforest who has never heard of golf and, provided he didn’t try to eat the club, he would naturally have a better swing than Sir Charles. 

The point to all of this is that Barkley has been going to great lengths to fix his golf game.  He’s been paired with renowned instructor Hank Haney on the Golf Channel’s ‘The Haney Project’.  Each week, Haney trains Chuck and attempts to get him back to respectable on the course.  Haney also manages to force in about 7 Tiger Woods reference per episode as well.  It makes for a great drinking game.  ‘Hey, did you know that I know Tiger?  You know who else trains this hard… Tiger.  Hold on, I gotta take a whiz… Tiger does that sometimes too.’

New episodes of ‘The Haney Project’ are still airing on The Golf Channel, but after seeing this video, I think I can guess how it will turn out.  But, if all that work and coaching didn’t help his swing, it at least helped his aim.  What, you thought an Auburn alum hit an Alabama fan on accident?

Bootlegged from The Big Lead

Tags: Alabama, Auburn, Charles Barkley, Golf, Golf Channel, Hank Haney

Shaq Has A Donut Fetish

I guess this video shows what happens during the off-season when Shaquille O’Neal doesn’t have custody of his kids.  If that is the case, I have to say… I’m pro-divorce. 

The Diesel has been getting more and more eccentric lately.  I can only imagine what he’s going to do to occupy his time once he retires.  I used to think he was going to be a great analyst like Charles Barkley.  You know, not necessarily telling you a ton about the game, but entertaining no matter what. 

Now, I really hope he stays away from broadcasting and just does wacky stuff around the house.  At the very least, it will give us something to write about.  God knows we don’t want to revisit women’s tennis. 

Bootlegged from NESW Sports

Tags: Charles Barkley, NBA, Shaquille O'Neal

Charles Barkley… Need I Say More?

This is video from TNT’s Inside the NBA broadcast last night.  Look at Chuck being all coy.  “Food Challenge?  Depends on what it is”.  Come on, Barkley, be real.  You were down as soon as food was mentioned. 

I realize this isn’t the greatest video or the most exciting post, but guess what has two thumbs and doesn’t need your approval?

In a related story, guess what has two thumbs and just realized that joke works better with a visual?

Via Awful Announcing

Tags: Charles Barkley, Chris Webber, NBA, TNT

Esquire Shouldn’t Make Lists

July 2007: The Last Time Esquire Was Worth Buying

A story on Awful Announcing caught my attention earlier today, and after I got done rubbing one out updating my resume, I decided to explore the thing a little further.

Esquire Magazine decided to make a list of 63 “Men to Emulate”in their newest edition titled “How to be a Man”. Why 63 you ask? Because marketing retards have heard from other marketing retards that making lists odd numbers makes them sound less like bullshit written by retards in marketing.  If marketing majors can get that down after the first year they learn how to disguise nose-picking as a wipe if someone sees you.

But anyway, back to the list.  I’m pretty certain that most of these names were picked at random, and then given to some intern to make up a reason as to why they should be emulated.  It’s possible that writers could actually think of a dozen or so guys they wanted to be like, but the rest of the list is just stupid and phoned in, like everything else in Esquire Magazine.

Here’s a couple of gems:

“The manhood of some men emerges over time. They don’t seem to be men, and then suddenly — or slowly — they are. Troy Aikman and Phil Simms both seemed like towheaded dicks when they won Super Bowls, but each has come into his own as a hardworking, insightful color man.”

No. No no no no no.  I’m not even sure what the fuck that explanation is supposed to mean either.  Is it alluding to the Troy’s questionable sexual preference?  Is that at all applicable?  Sitting next to Joe Buck for hours at a time without killing him/himself is the closest thing to admirable that Troy Boy has ever done, and frankly I’d admire him a hell of a lot more if he had. 

And as for Phil Simms… insightful? I’ve farted more intelligent things than I’ve ever heard him say.  You know that as a kid he was the one who sharpened his pencil in class for 8 minutes at a time, and kept looking around all smug like because he enjoyed annoying the piss out of everyone.  Now, he essentially does the same thing with his voice every Sunday, except it lasts for 3+ hours, and annoys millions.  And lest ye forget, this is the man who raised Chris Simms.   

They also list Lee Corso, Dick Vitale, Newt Gingrich, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Martha Stewert.  No shit. 

If I were Charles Barkley or Shaquille O’Neil I’d sue to get my name off of this shit-stain catagory.

Tags: Charles Barkley, Chris Simms, Dick Vitale, douchebaggery, football, Lee Corso, NFL, Phil Simms, Shaquille O'Neal, Troy Aikman

ESPN is Full of Hate

Rumor is Kiper is going to stab McShay at the first mention of Tebow

When you watch ESPN these days, you have to wonder whether the folks that work together all the time actually enjoy each other’s company or if they are just good at acting like it.  Does Mike Greenberg have a voodoo doll of Mike Golic?  Does Steve Young have a dart board with Stu Scott’s face on it?  Does Chris Berman have a list of people he’s going to strangle in his office?  I don’t know, but I’d assume that at least two of those are accurate.  What I do know is that the perceived rivalry between NFL analysts Todd McShay and Mel Kiper is an actual rivalry. 

Kiper has been the NFL draft guru since he was too young to buy his own hair gel, but recently ESPN decided they wanted to bring in someone else to give a dissenting opinion.  Enter the youthful Todd McShay.  Now the pair each give insight into the NFL draft and only show up between January and April each year.  Also, they are occasionally matched-up in ESPN’s new favorite time waster, the analyst debate, where things tend to turn nasty. 

These two need to both be sitting on ESPN’s set during the NFL draft for the same reason that Charles Barkley always needs to cover the NBA draft.  Arguments make for great TV.  Sir Charles will disagree with anyone so a pure rival isn’t needed.  I heard he once punched his own mother when she packed celery in his lunch.  Kiper and McShay barking at each other about whether the Rams just made the right pick will be classic. 

Let’s face it, the NFL draft is long and tedious.  All analysts do between picks is guess which college star is going next.  Then they still have to fill another 10 minutes.  At least with these two hating each other, we can silently hope for an actual fight to break out, or at least the signs of a skirmish when they return from commercial. 

“Oh look, one of Mel’s hairs is slightly out of place, McShay must have hit him with a chair.”

Tags: Charles Barkley, Chris Berman, ESPN, Mel Kiper, Mike Golic, Mike Greenberg, NFL, NFL Draft, Steve Young, Stuart Scott, Todd McShay