Cody Hawkins
Dan Hawkins Loses ‘Father of the Year’
Playing the role of the FSU player tonight: Dan Hawkins
The Colorado Buffaloes are terrible this season and it looks like the end is near for head coach Dan Hawkins. With his job on the line, it’s not unusual to see a coach pull out all the stops and make a desperate move to try to get his team moving in the right direction. In Hawkins’ case, that move is to ensure that his son and starting Buffalo QB, Cody, will hate him, forever and for always.
Coach Hawkins has decided that if he’s going down in Boulder, he’s taking his entire family with him and has benched his son in favor of a kid who put up a 1:4 TD to INT ratio last season in relief of Cody Hawkins. I mean, I think we can all agree that Cody Hawkins is, well, just awful. I mean, did you see him try to lead his team to an upset at Texas on Saturday. Let’s just say I’ve puked in my mouth before, but watching Cody, it was like I was puking in my mouth for the very first time all over again. There could have been some other ingredients present to cause this reaction, I guess. One thing I now know for certain is that Everclear-infused ‘Apple Pie’ drink plus Cody Hawkins equals a fate worse than death. And coincidentally, being benched by your own father as you both run a once proud program into the ground may also be a fate worse than death. Cody and I have something in common. It’s a bond that we share.
Beyond the clear lack of family values that this move exposes, Dan Hawkins benching his own son speaks volumes about his lack of competence in recruiting and evaluating talent. I mean, if anybody should have known that Cody didn’t have the necessary skills to lead a D-1 football team, you would think his Dad should have. And how can you trust Dan’s ability to coach other young men when his own son is so damn terrible?
For a comparison, Denver Nuggets coach George Karl has a son that plays basketball, Coby. Guess what team Coby doesn’t play for? That’s right, the Nuggets. Well, to be fair, he likely doesn’t play for any team in the NBA unless the Cavs end up putting him on the roster to fulfill some kind of quota. Still, George Karl knew his son’s weaknesses and understood that having him on the team would be the end of both of them. To be fair, Bobby Bowden did let his son, Tommy, play for him at West Virginia and also let his son, Terry, be a grad assistant for him at Florida State. But, I think we can all agree that Bobby Bowden is a better coach than Dan Hawkins.
So, in a couple of months, when Dan Hawkins is cleaning out his office on Colorado’s campus, at least he can take solace in the fact that he will have one less item to box up: a coffee mug that reads ‘World’s Greatest Dad.’ I would imagine Cody will be destroying that mug as we speak.
Colorado Practice Footage is Unwatchable
Coach Hawkins is taking living vicariously though your son to new levels
The Colorado Buffaloes’ football team finished a dismal 5-7 last season. That brings Head Coach Dan Hawkins’s record with the Buffs to 13-24. Ladies and gentleman, the time for desperation is at hand.
In an effort to improve his quarterback’s progression and field vision, Hawkins will employ helmet cams that record from the QB’s point of view. Given that the expected starter is the coach’s son, Cody, this may also be a ploy for a father to find out more about the boy. ‘Why are there so many shots of the running back’s ass on here?’
That would also explain the curious decision to force the QBs to wear the helmet cam at all times, even when not on the field. Coach Hawkins can review tape to make sure his son pays attention in class, eats healthy and gets to bed on time. If he installed an ear-piece to give instructions to Cody as well, we’d have ourselves a decent movie plot. Or at least a 30-minute sitcom.
My main concern with this idea is that networks like ESPN and CBS are going to catch wind of it. Then, they’ll be convinced that people want to see games from the quarterback’s perspective. Instead of the trusty press box view that shows the entire field and allows you to easily follow the action, we’ll get helmet cam on the biggest play of the game. While we hear the announcers gush about the incredible juke the receiver put on the defender, we’ll be staring at the sky while the QB lays under a lineman. I can’t wait.
If Colorado has success with this idea, expect everyone in college football to start using helmet cams in their spring practices. And if it doesn’t work? Well, it’s not like anyone expected much out of CU anyway.
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