Breaking News: Yale is Different Than Nebraska

Though this mouth-breather does resemble a former United States President and Yale graduate...

Boston.com often times has insightful and interesting stories.  This is not one of those times.  It is not necessary to point out that Nebraska is different than Yale.

Anyone impressed by hearing someone graduated from Nebraska is also going to be impressed by the new G.I. Joe movie and shiny things.  Anyone impressed by hearing that someone played football for Yale is foreign, doesn’t know what Yale is, and thinks you’re talking about soccer. 

But nonetheless, Boston.com today published a human interest piece about one player’s transition from riding the bench in Nebraska to starting at quarterback for Yale. 

Patrick Witt knew he wasn’t in Lincoln anymore when a fellow student at his Yale residential college asked if he was going to sign up for the tailgate before the Lafayette game.

Actually, I’m guessing he knew he wasn’t in Lincoln anymore because he wasn’t Helen Keller.  That and he was getting to play in an actual game, not just watch them from the bench. 

That was part of Witt’s metamorphosis from Corn Husker to Bulldog, which Yale people will tell you is a significant evolutionary upgrade.

Because they’re pompous assholes.  And then Nebraska people will tell you that there’s no such thing as evolution, and that Noah just didn’t make room for dinosaurs on the Arc. 

Last week Witt had a rough game at Princeton, throwing three interceptions and losing a fumble as the underdog Tigers hung a 24-17 defeat on the team they most love to hate.  If he’d had that kind of day with Nebraska, Witt likely would have been hanged in effigy across the state.

No.  No he wouldn’t have.  That’s one of the dumbest f*cking things I’ve ever read.  But to be fair, I haven’t read Going Rogue yet.  First, he wasn’t going to start at Nebraska.  Second, people pretty much stopped doing the whole effigy thing about 1776.  Which means this joke was tired by 1800. 

If Witt still were at Nebraska, he’d be playing against Kansas State this weekend with a trip to the Big 12 championship on the line and a bowl trip already assured. 

Sigh…  Really?  If Witt were playing at Nebraska they would still have won the Big 12 North?  He didn’t do jack shit against Princeton, but he would have knocked off Oklahoma and Missouri?

The story goes on to point out that he’s happy that nobody gives a crap about Yale football, and so it makes being terrible much easier.  And I think that’s really the important lesson from this story. 

I hope it’s read to children in public schools across the land.  If you suck and are getting criticized, don’t try to improve yourself, instead run away from your problems and find people who don’t care if you’re crappy at what you do.  Like leaving conventional journalism to write a sports blog…

Tags: College Football, NCAA, Nebraska, Yale

Deion Sanders Got Dez Bryant Suspended

Dez puts a new spin on the SI Curse

The number one wide receiver in college football this year has been suspendedfor violating an NCAA rule.  Oklahoma State suspended Dez Bryant when they learned that he’d lied about his relationship with Deion Sanders.  Why did he lie about his relationship with Deion?  Apparently because he thought it was against the rules.  Why did he get caught lying about it?  Because once he found out it wasn’t, he admitted it. 

Seeing as how Facebook has replaced all major news organizations, both sports-related and not, as the place to get the scoop on things, we bring you Dez Bryant’s FB status message:  [all sic'd]

Dez Bryant:  This is why I’m suspended…..I went to Deion sanders house ….and the NCAA found out…..they ask me if I been to his house I told them no…I thought it was a violation…but it wasn’t… so I told them I went to his house… I lied to them and I shouldn’t have….and I’m not suspended for the rest of the season….I’m sorry osu!!

Now granted, nobody is going to accuse Dez of being a super genius, even….. before… reading …….. this post…. But this suspension is way dumber than he is.  Yes, he broke a rule.  And granted, he only broke that one because he thought he’d knowingly broken another one.  But if he gets more than a slap on the wrist for this, all college football fans should get pissed.

This is a no-harm violation.  I understand why the university took the preliminary step to temporarily suspend Bryant, because the NCAA comes down hard on universities that ignore violations (Ohio State and USC notably excepted).  But I’d like to think that the NCAA quickly decides that what he lied about wasn’t a violation at all, and tells OSU and Bryant that all is forgiven, before he sits out a substantial part of the season.  For the record, I’d also like to think that dragons are real, and that wishes on lucky stars really do come true.

Thanks to GobberCountry for the tip

Update:  ESPN destroyed any remaining credibility they might have had this morning by featuring BootleggerSports on their Blog Buzz.  Here’s a screen shot, courtesy of BS reader, Bryan. 

Tags: College Football, Deion Sanders, Dez Bryant, NCAA, Oklahoma State

Hermione Doesn’t Like Harvard/ Being Stalked

Emma doesn't appreciate stalker student journalists. Damnit.

Emma Watson traveled to Harvard this past weekend to watch an exciting Ivy League football game between the Crimson and her University, the Brown Bears.  Get it?  Brown Bears?  That’s good stuff right there.

But Ivy League animal jokes aside, apparently some Harvard journalism students got wind of Hot-Hiney Hermione’s arrival on their campus, and made it a point to stalk her and tweet about it at the game.  Writers for the Harvard Voice had these amazing things to say via Twitter:

“Let’s go Hermione! Lolz!”

“In enemy territory.  Lookin for a certain witch.”

“WATSON FOUND. i repeat WATSON FOUND.”

I remember when I used to have respect for Harvard students.  But those days are gone now.  Obviously I don’t give a shit that they would stalk Emma Watson.  Who wouldn’t stalk Emma Watson?  Even chicks and gay guys would, because they love things like Harry Potter.  And horses.  Though if my extensive research has taught me anything it’s that they like horses for entirely different reasons. 

My problem here is that this is the lamest attempt to stalk someone I’ve ever read about.  To tell everyone you’re going to do it?  And not even bring ether?  And say things like “Lolz”?  F*ck you retards.  You blew it.  All you did was creep her out and make her uncomfortable, and that was without even showing her your penis(es).  Which, as I recall, is the first rule of celebrity stalking. 

I only hope that Ms. Watson will choose to attend a football game in Arkansas or West Virginia.  I have faith those inbred hill-f*cks could teach you scholarly blue-blood f*cks a thing or two about proper stalking technique.

Tags: College Football, Harvard, Ivy League, NCAA

Crying Clemson Fans and Feigned Fowler Sympathy

This footage is from the close of the Clemson-Georgia Tech game a couple of weeks ago.  The one in which the Tigers mounted an amazing comeback, only to have their dreams crushed by a mere field goal in the waning seconds of the game.  Thankfully ESPN cameramen caught this little tantrum in the stands. 

But even better, this is the off-air broadcast feed, where you get to hear Chris Fowler, Jesse Palmer and Craig James, where they don’t have to pretend to give shit peanuts about this little douche bag. 

I hate fans like this kid.  Seriously, hate.  He acts like he’s f*cking owed something.  That it was about him.  He’s the center of the whole goddamn universe.  Caught in a moment where his true views of the world come out; that everything he witnesses or encounters is simply here to please/influence him.  F*ck all those guys who just played their asses off.  Who’ve spent countless hours training and preparing while he played EA Sports College Football 2010 on XBox.

Screw the fact that it’s just a f*cking game.  None of that matters. This wasn’t supposed to happen to him.  It isn’t fair.  This is the worst thing ever.  Any attempt to put perspective on this means you don’t care as much as he does.  Don’t you see how he cares so much more than everyone?  Can’t you see that!?  ARRRRGGH!  I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!

Bootlegged from DeadSpin

Tags: Clemson, College Football, douchebaggery, Georgia Tech, NCAA

Notre Dame Adds Sucky App to iPhone

Now imagine how awesome all that suck will look on an iPhone

Notre Dame has found a way to ruin what could have been a really awesome milestone in College Football broadcasting.  Because instead of decent team, or better yet entire conference, becoming the first live-streaming football iPhone App. to hit the world, we the hungry public are instead going to be force fed more Failing Irish football. 

F*cking awesome.

Thank the wise execs at NBC for pushing this craptastic product just a little further down your gullet.  It wasn’t enough that they already broadcast every goddamn game.  Nope.  Now ND football is available anytime you can pick up a 3G signal and have a strong desire to watch a lousy football team play generally lousier football teams.

How cool would an SEC app be, that allows you to pick up every game live from your phone.  Or a Big 12 app.  Or even a Pac 10 app, for about two games a year.  Maybe one.  Still, way better than this horse shit.  And as if Notre Dame fans weren’t obnoxious and hate-able enough, now I get to hear them cheer for their team in real time out in public?  Thanks iPhone.  Thanks for kicking us all squarely in the sack.

Tags: College Football, NCAA, Notre Dame