Doug Gottlieb
Doug Gottlieb Misses Chappelle Show
I would’ve loved to post a 45 second video showing you the end of the Texas A&M- Nebraska basketball game from Tuesday night. Josh Carter buries a buzzer beater to defeat the Huskers by 2 and ESPN commentator Doug Gottlieb pulls out a classic line to commemorate the occasion.
Unfortunately, 90 minutes, a bunch of spyware and a broken blood vessel later, I don’t have a video like that. So you’ll have to just settle for the final 6 minutes of the instant-classic. You can skip ahead to the 7:42 mark to catch the thrilling conclusion.
There really should be more Chappelle references in broadcasting and I’m glad that something other than “Rick James bitch” is getting some play. I’d tell you more but this whole ordeal has left me aggravated and exhausted. So I’m off to choke a hooker and take a nap.
Doug Gottlieb Doesn’t Suffer Punks
Kansas and Nebraska squared off in men’s basketball recently and without even looking it up, I can tell you that the Jayhawks won. I’m pretty amazing that way. Somehow, the game did produce some drama and intrigue though. Nebraska guard Cookie Miller finally realized he shares his first name with a blue Sesame Street character and tried to prove he’s tough by dry humping Mario Little. How does that prove anything? Well, you’re asking the wrong guy, because I use the dry hump as a show of affection. Anyway, ESPN announcer Doug Gottlieb called the play for what it was and said Cookie was “acting like a punk.”
Now Cookie’s dad, who I can only assume is called Cake, Cupcake or Eclair, wants an apology from Gottlieb. Obviously, that’s not going to happen. Come on Doug, have some compassion. The kid’s name is Cookie…. Cookie for God’s sake.
Gottlieb’s point is valid though. Saying someone is “acting like a punk” is much different than saying “you are a punk”. But don’t expect the person you’re talking about to get that. When I say “you’re acting like a whore”, my imaginary girlfriend always gets offended, and it doesn’t get any better when I explain that I didn’t actually call her a whore. Needless to say I’m not getting that imaginary blow job tonight. Looks like it’s plan B, tea party with the stuffed animals.
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