The Warriors Really Wanted Capt. Jack Gone

You can stop holding your breath. You've been traded.

Stephen Jackson and his now former coach Don Nelson stopped getting along  a while back.  It’s strange to think that Jackson wore out his welcome considering that on paper, he’s a perfect fit for Nellie’s offense.  If there is a better NBA player who enjoys taking bad shots and playing out of position, I’d like to hear about him.  Remember of course that Antoine Walker is no longer in the league.

Jackson has been asking for a trade for the past few weeks and the Warriors finally caved and put an ‘everything must go’ sign on his jersey.  They didn’t include the qualifier ‘no serious offers refused’ apparently because the trade was Jackson to Charlotte for Vlad Radmanovic and Raja Bell.  Radmanovic you may remember as the guy the Lakers needed to get rid of in order to win a title.  As for Bell, he’s been known as a defensive stopper…so I guess Golden State brought him in to show their players what not to do.  Plus, Bell is playing with a partially torn ligament in his wrist.  And if you’re looking at this deal and saying, ‘a tall Russian shooter and aging, injured defensive specialist for Stephen Jackson is kind of a lop-sided trade’, well you could work in the Warriors’ front office.  They threw in Acie Law, but I think that was really only to dispel the rumors that Law was dead.  Being a throw in in an NBA trade is the equivalent of having a picture of yourself holding today’s paper sent to your family.

Everything appeared to be coming up Bobcats until I saw this quote from their GM:

We are excited to add a player of Stephen’s caliber to our franchise.  He is coming off arguably the best season of his career and we believe he will help our team on both ends of the floor with his scoring and defensive abilities.

Clearly, they’ve been scouting the wrong player.  What defense abilities is he talking about?  Well, maybe he just means the Bobcats are so terrible that even a guy like Stephen Jackson will make them better defensively.  Also, Jackson had a career high in points, assists and rebounds last season so I’ll buy that it could have been the best season of his career.  But you could say just about anything if you preface it with ‘arguably’.  All that means is that it could be argued.  Arguably, the best player in the league is Alexis Ajinca.  Arguably, Obama is our best president ever.  Arguably, I can wear this coffee as a hat.

I’m just saying, have some balls if you’re going to talk to the media.  Tell me with confidence and conviction that trading for Stephen Jackson is undeniably the greatest move in the history of your or any other franchise.  Just ignore all the snickering in the background.

Tags: Acie Law, basketball, Charlotte Bobcats, Don Nelson, Golden State Warriors, NBA, Raja Bell, Stephen Jackson, Vladimir Radmanovic

NBA Bottom 5

The Knicks have a chance to make the playoffs and the Pacers might be folding.  Dear God what did the NBA do to deserve this…

5. NBA Announcers- Trevor Ariza took a hard foul on Rudy Fernandez in a game this week and everyone has an opinion on whether or not it was a dirty play and whether or not Rudy played it up like a soccer star.  The most predictable opinions came from the announcers calling the game for the Lakers and Blazers.  Here’s the LA slant.  Compare that to the Blazers slant.  So, would you say your completely biased in calling the game or just 50/50?

4. Don Nelson- He’s quickly becoming the crotchety old man whose goal in life is to keep people from stealing his paper and stepping on his lawn.  The Warriors got rid of Al Harrington because Nelson didn’t vibe with him.  Those two have traded barbs off and on all season.  Now, Harrington’s claims that Nelson ruins players careers are taking root because Nellie now wants to be rid of the player Harrington was traded for, Jamaal Crawford, because he doesn’t vibe with him.  Soon, Golden State will consist of undrafted free agents and players named Nelson.  Get your 2010 season tickets now!

3. Kevin Love- He’s an integral part of a story that is blowing the lid off of one of theNBA’s and college hoops’ dirtiest secrets.  That is, players get courted by agents and former players court current players for agents.  Am I saying this is going to turn into the ’steroids hunt’ of basketball?  Well, I’m not not saying that.

2. Donte Green- The Kings have apparently been filling rookies’ cars with popcorn when they forget to bring breakfast to practice.  Donte Greene forgot to bring fruit.  After his car was vandalized, he vowed and got his revenge by taking soy sauce and dog food to Bobby Jackson’s Mercedes.  An odd combination, but maybe Jackson raises Chows.  Anyway, Greene damaged a find German automobile and Jackson is going to damage his face.  A rookie needs to know his place.  All this is of course on top of the news that Greene may have had improper contact with an agent while at Syracuse.  And I don’t mean sexual contact, although maybe I do.

1. Marko Jaric- Speaking of sexual contact, Adriana Lima may soon be available for some of the anonymous variety after news that husband Marko is being ivestigated for sexual assault.  I’m torn on this story.  On the one hand, Jaric is a dumbass of the highest caliber for assaulting some Philadelphia jersey chaser when he’s got Adriana Lima in his pocket.  On the other hand, a world with a single Adriana Lima is a world I’d like to again be part of. 

Late Addition- Brent Musberger just told me that TNT sideline reporter Craig Sager was the Wildcat mascot while attending Northwestern.  So there’s that.

Tags: Al Harrington, Bobby Jackson, Brent Musberger, Craig Sager, Don Nelson, Donte Greene, Golden State Warriors, Indiana Pacers, Jamaal Crawford, Kevin Love, Los Angeles Lakers, Marko Jaric, NBA, New York Knicks, Portland Trailblazers, Rudy Fernandez, Sacramento Kings, Trevor Ariza

The Nets Want You To Know They’re Not Gay

Well, this caption writes itself

The New Jersey Nets were in Oakland Tuesday, taking on the Golden State Warriors.  After a morning shoot-around, they filed onto the bus, but quickly unloaded.  What could have made an NBA team flee a chartered bus so quickly?  Fire?  Serial killer?  Mouse?  Nope, just your normal, everyday, naked woman on a bench. 

According to reports, the woman was not all that attractive, but not one player dared remain on the bus for fear they would be referred to as ‘the gay one’.  This may have been amplified by the team’s close proximity to San Francisco.  In fact, considering the typical NBA player’s lack of geographical knowledge, many most likely believed they were in San Francisco. 

Considering the caliber of tail NBA players pull, I’m surprised a run of the mill naked woman would excite them this much.  But I guess it’s true what they say, “The NBA… where ogling boobies happens.”

Tags: basketball, Golden State Warriors, NBA, New Jersey Nets

NBA Bottom 5

The All-Star break is officially here and Mo Williams is finally in the game.  He’s like a fat girl who really tried to get someone to ask her to the prom, but got turned down by everyone and convinced she wouldn’t go, gave up trying.  Then by some miracle, one of the popular guys asked her, only to embarrass her in front of everyone.  Will Mo Williams get a bucket of pig’s blood dumped on his head at the All-Star game.  TNT has their fingers crossed.

5. Al Harrington- Called out his former coach Don Nelson in the media, saying “he ruins guy’s careers”.  Let’s talk to Baron Davis about that.  Baron, would you prefer to put up mediocre numbers on a bad Clippers team or be an All-Star while having your career ruined with Nelly?  Wait, what about Stephen Jackson?  You want to get arrested on weapons charges in Indy, or lead a playoff team for a career ruiner, Captain Jack?  I won’t bother asking Kelenna Azubuike and Andris Biedrins.      

4. Shawn Marion- The Matrix was living the life.  Living in Phoenix with Steve Nash setting him up for dunks in Mike D’Antoni’s stat-inflating offense.  Then, he got a Joe Johnson-esque ego flush and decided he’d rather be a lead option for another team.  The problem being he doesn’t have a Joe Johnson-esque game and Miami has realized their mistake after less than a season.  Now Shawn gets to play on an underachieving Raptors team in Canada.  At least Jose Calderon can feed him the rock… if he ever gets healthy.

3. Elgin Baylor- After working for years in the Clippers’ front office, Baylor resigned.  Not because the Clippers have been terrible for his entire tenure and thanks to him are saddled with big contracts but no future, but because the Clips are so racist.  He says he was underpaid, but he was payed more than his job performance suggested he deserved.  A grilled cheese sandwich and some bus tokens would have been more accurate.   

2. John Paxson- Here’s another GM who has stayed past his welcome… and effectiveness.  I’ll bet John wishes he could go back to his playing days.  A simpler time when any mistake he made was immediately erased by Michael Jordan.  Now, MJ might be a worse GM than he is.  Paxson likely won’t last as Bulls’  GM much past the All-Star break, but really wants to keep earning a paycheck.  He’s negotiating to stay on in a different capacity.  Let he and Vinny Del Negro shoot for the janitorial job. 

1. Phoenix New Times- There’s usually some debate about the number one spot in the Bottom 5, but not this week.  This amazing journalistic rag is published weekly in the city that is currently hosting All-Star weekend.  I’ll bet the NBA news will be top notch.  Or poorly researched and inaccurate.  Somehow, a professional reporter believed that the NBA would institute a “tatoo cap” and that David Stern would use the word ‘bejesus’ in a public statement.  And after the story ran on the front page of her paper and the entire Internet picked up on what a horrendous error it was, she “still wasn’t sure she’d been duped.”  This moron just set women’s rights back 100 years.  Sorry ladies, but you’re no longer allowed to vote or disagree with men.

Tags: Al Harrington, All-Star, Andris Biedrins, Baron Davis, Bottom 5, Chicago Bulls, David Stern, Don Nelson, Elgin Baylor, Golden State Warriors, Joe Johnson, John Paxson, Jose Calderon, Kelenna Azubuike, Los Angeles Clippers, Michael Jordan, Mike D'Antoni, Mo Williams, NBA, Phoenix Suns, Shawn Marion, Stephen Jackson, Steve Nash, Toronto Raptors, Vinny Del Negro

G’Day Stephen Jackson

By the looks of this picture, Jackson's a Russian

When someone asks me “Who are the best ten Australian basketball players ever?” I usually say “Go eat a vegemite sandwich, Crocodile Dundee”, but NBAmate.com has decided to answer the question that they posed to themselves.  There’s superstars like Luc Longley and Andrew Bogut, and of course Stephen Jackson. 

You know, Stephen Jackson, the forward for the Golden State Warriors who was once involved in a shooting incident outside of a club.  And I say once involved because it’s the only such incident I can recall off the top of my head.  He’s Australian.  I can see why you’d be confused because his hometown is Port Arthur, Texas.  But he briefly played professionally down under, which officially makes him an Aussie…Oy!

This means America can now claim David Beckham, Yao Ming, and the Pope.  Also, Bootlegger Sports can claim Marisa Miller, Jessica Simpson and Natalie Gulbis, so we got that going for us, which is nice. 

You Aussie’s need to understand that just because someone has been to your country, doesn’t mean you can claim them as one of your own.  Was Hitler French?  Was Cortes Mexican?  Is Sam Cassell an Earthling?  Of course the answer is no.

I’m sure there are plenty of deserving native Australian basketball players that can take Captain Jack’s place on this list.  How about… hmm… well… uh… how about a top 9?

Tags: Andrew Bogut, basketball, Golden State Warriors, Luc Longley, Marisa Miller, NBA, Sam Cassell, Stephen Jackson