Something is Wrong With The Titans

The NFL franchise in Tennessee has been anything but the Titans of their industry this season.  See what I did there?  Their name is the Titans, but they lose all the time.  Almost non-stop.  Up until yesterday’s game against Jacksonville, I could have just said they lose non-stop, but they had to go and ruin that by stomping the Jaguars 30-13.

That entire game was essentially a contest between Chris Johnson and Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew to see who could make CBS commentator Gus Johnson explode from excitement first.  As you can see from the included video, it appears Johnson won that contest too.

You may have noticed Johnson using the following line to describe Johnson, “he’s got gettin’ away from the cops speed.”  If you’ve been a frequent or even occasional visitor to this site, you also may have noticed that I am OK with anything Gus Johnson does.  So he compared Johnson running for the end zone to a fugitive running from the authorities, isn’t that a colorful and descriptive way to describe the action?  I believe that’s his job.

And don’t even think about turning this into a racist statement.  Oh, what if Jim Nantz had said this, he would be in so much trouble.  Maybe, but we don’t have to worry about this because Jim Nantz doesn’t have a sense of humor…or a personality.

Plus, does anyone remember former Virginia football player Marquis Weeks, who described a 100-yard kick-off return as “kind of like running from the cops”?

Look, CBS sticks Gus with the worst game of the week, nearly every week.  They give him a tiny viewing audience and two terrible teams, at least let him be himself.  It’s not like anyone was watching Tennessee vs. Jacksonville anyway.

Gus Johnson’s comments may have opened the public’s eyes to a growing problem within the Titans’ organization, however.  No one would have suspected anything if his ‘gettin’ away from the cops’ line had stood by itself, but then came this line from the AP story on the game:

Vince Young felt good but nervous before his first start this season for the Tennessee Titans. He wound up celebrating with his offensive coordinator and getting high [end of line]             grades from the team owner who wanted him back on the job.

That’s an odd phrasing, don’t you think?  It’s almost like the media wants us to know something about the Titans but they’re unable to report it officially.  I think they are trying to tell us that the Titans aren’t exactly law abiding, even when compared to their NFL brethren.  And as you know, as a general rule, NFL players follow the law like English as a Second Language students follow The Great Gatsby.

Video bootlegged from Awful Announcing

Tags: CBS, Chris Johnson, Gus Johnson, Jacksonville Jaguars, Maurice Jones-Drew, Tennessee Titans, Vince Young

The Line For NCAA Basketball 2010 Starts Here

I’ve never actually owned any of EA Sports’ NCAA Basketball titles, but I did once play one of the games like it was my job for 3 straight days.  Seriously, like it was my job.  From 9 AM to 5 PM, with a half hour lunch break while other people worked at their own jobs around me.  Needless to say, it may have been the happiest time of my life.

I’ve heard plenty of negatives about the game though, which sucks because March Madness is about the greatest thing ever, so you’d think a game where you get to play March Madness would be impossible to screw up.  Evidently, that’s not the case.  This year’s edition might be pretty amazing however because of 4 words: Gus.  Johnson.  Bill.  Raftery.

That’s right, the greatest announcing pairing possible will announce every game you want them to, unlike in real life when CBS tries to keep them far away from each other as if they were the Rings of Power from Lord of the Rings.  What?  Where’s the nerd?

The one problem you might notice in the video I’ve included is that Gus seems to be having a difficult time harnessing the emotion and energy he’s famous for while recording lines for the game.  I’m concerned that he won’t have any moments of pure elation while he screams gibberish.  But, on the other hand, if it’s in the game, it’s in the game.  So I’m assuming EA will figure out a way.  I’m also assuming that players get suspended for drug use and DUIs, Jayhawks constantly fight other Jayhawks and every time John Calipari tries to play the game, his team is immediately put under investigation by the NCAA.

EA also got ahold of CBS’ graphics to make the game that much more realistic.  So, essentially, everything is perfect for this game.  Oh, except the gameplay, that might suck pretty hard.  I really couldn’t tell you about that.  Hmm, I guess that’s probably pretty important too, huh?  Well, go ahead and drop that $60 and find out for yourself.  You say you don’t have $60 to spend on a game that might be terrible?  I apologize, sometimes I forget that not everyone makes a sweet blogger’s salary like myself.

Bootlegged from Awful Announcing

Tags: basketball, Bill Raftery, EA Sports, Gus Johnson, NCAA

Good Morning, Gus Johnson

By now you’ve almost certainly seen Brandon Stokley hilariously break the hearts of the Bengals with this tip-drill TD catch.  As this was happening, I was struggling to stay awake as the Kansas City-Baltimore game wound down…and I didn’t wake up until well after noon yesterday.  I guess I’ll never understand why Gus Johnson isn’t the number one voice for CBS football and basketball and isn’t broadcast to most of the country.  Well, I kind of understand if it’s the same reason Jay Leno is ‘America’s most popular TV host’.  That being that old people no longer can recognize what is good and what is bland and terrible.  If you’re over 55, first off, kudos for being able to find this site, but second, don’t voice your opinions anymore.  Your time has past.  When I’m as old as you, I would gladly pass my decision making abilities on to the younger generation except that clearly I’ll be awesome and youthful forever.  Now I’m off to chug an energy drink and download the latest underground indie rock album that you’ll never hear because your corporate radio is too commercial.

Bootlegged from Awful Announcing

Tags: Brandon Stokley, CBS, Denver Broncos, football, Gus Johnson, NFL

Oh Yes! Dear God Yes!

It’s not often that we give credit where credit is due. You know, because everyone who doesn’t work for this site is so unoriginal and boring.  But Slate V, whatever that is, we salute you.  This video features a fairly accurate depiction of what golf would be like with basketball announcers.  Also known as, what golf would be like without the silver spoon stuck up its ass.  In a word, exciting. 

I’ve always sort of wondered why golf needs everyone to be so quiet all the time.  Do you really need absolute silence to hit a stationary ball?  The PGA will tell you that you do, and then in the same breath tell you that their players are incredible athletes.  I don’t think those two ideas go together.  Perform with the crowd with or against you like other sports if you want to prove how amazing you are. 

Hopefully you remember the PGA’s ad campaign from a few years ago when their slogan was ‘These Guys Are Good’.  They would show tour players in other sports using golf shots, like kicking a field goal or setting up an alley-oop, except actually chipping a golf ball.  Inevitably, the golfers would succeed and the slogan would come up.  If those commercials were more realistic, time would’ve expired while they backed off their ball and waited for the crowds to settle down.  And, you know, if we’re being real, I’m pretty sure hitting a golf ball through the uprights doesn’t get you any points in football.  But it would get you murdered in Philadelphia. 

Anyway, good video Slate V.  Though adding an excited Gus Johnson to anything makes it way better.  I should’ve probably added more of him to this post.

Bootlegged from Devil Ball Golf

Tags: Golf, Gus Johnson, NCAA

Gus Johnson is Making Boxing Watchable

A website called Sports Business Daily (and I’m already bored) is announcing that Showtime has signed the incomparable Gus Johnson to be the lead announcer on their “Championship Boxing” series. This is fantastic news for so many reasons.

Gu-Jo is a great announcer that can make anything exciting, even a welter weight pillow fight between two Venenzuelan immigrants (airing March 3rd… probably).  And the more he’s on the air the better.  I’ve yet to find an event on TV that Gus couldn’t have made better. 

Final round of the U.S. Open… Gus would’ve blown away “Expect anything different?” with “Tiigeeeeeerrrrrr… YAAAAHHH!!!” 

The Food Network… Emeril’s “Bam” can’t hang with “YOU WANT ONIONS?  OHHHHHH!!!”

Porn… all that moaning needs to be replaced with “RISE AND FIIRRRE… HAAAHAA!!”

Tags: Boxing, Gus Johnson, Showtime