Ummmmm…WHAT?!?

Isiah demonstrates the public reaction to news he's advising the Knicks.

Isiah Thomas’ five-year reign with the Knicks, which included stints as President of Basketball Operations and Head Coach, is arguably the worst stretch in franchise history.  Zeke was only successful in running one of the most storied and recognizable franchises in the NBA into the ground.  He was unsuccessful in everything else…oh, except sexual harassment.  Now that the Knicks have been without Thomas for a couple of years and have a promising roster and proven Head Coach at the helm, it seems they’ve righted the ship.  So what is an up-and-coming NBA team to do now?  Hire Isiah Thomas, of course.

Thomas has been hired as an advisor by the Knicks.  Specifically, “a more formal and unique consulting position”.  I assume that means he’ll be wearing a tux while telling Donnie Walsh what a great investment Yao Ming would be.  Or how Stephon Marbury could really help the team.  Or how they should trade away all their draft picks for Shaq.

In case you have a case of amnesia like the Knicks, here’s a list of Isiah’s New York accomplishments:

Highest payroll and 2nd worst record in same season.

Traded multiple draft picks for…Eddy Curry.

Allegedly started an in-game brawl after instructing players to commit hard fouls.

Signed Jerome James and Jared Jeffries to full-mid-level exceptions.  Neither played prominent roles for the Knicks…ever.

Drafted Ronaldo Balkman, Mardy Collins, Mike Sweetney and Wilson Chandler in the first round.

Lost a nearly $12-million sexual harassment suit.

Well then, what’s not to like?  At least you can be certain that, if Isiah were still around, they wouldn’t have to rely on Amar’e’s Judaism to make headlines.

And Isiah is already planning for the future.  He wants to use the juice produced from this advisory position to nab an NBA GM job.

I’ve always said that if there’s a GM position that should ever open that I would be interested in going back to the NBA as a GM for the right spot and the right opportunity. In terms of going back as a coach, I don’t see myself doing that.

I’m sure Florida International was thrilled to hear that the man they currently employ as their coach has no interest in coaching.

Isiah also capped off the breaking news of his return to the Knicks with this kicker:

I’m excited to work with the Knicks again.  I wish my mom was still alive to see this.

Did she root for the Nets, Bulls or the Heat?

Tags: basketball, Isiah Thomas, NBA, New York Knicks

Finally, A Sports Related Excuse For Keyboard Cat

Keyboard Cat is one of our favorite Internet phenomenons, right up there with Auto-Tune The News and about 2,323,974 places ahead of Twitter.  And now, finally, we have a sports themed Keyboard Cat video to share with you in this space.  And it also features Isiah Thomas.  So, you know, if you plan on dying soon, today might not be the worst day.  Sorry we couldn’t get this up sooner, Jacko. 

I can’t say this is the best Keyboard Cat episode I’ve seen, that honor goes to this insanity.  Still, someone’s heart was in the right, hateful place when they crafted this gem. 

Bootlegged from With Leather

Tags: basketball, Isiah Thomas, NBA

RIP Florida International Basketball

"Do your future plans include ruining the Knicks and coaching FIU?"

The Athletic Director at Florida International University made quite a splash today.  He did it by tying a large rock to FIU’s men’s basketball program and hucking it into the ocean.  The basketball program is survived by wife, the women’s basketball program, brother, the football program, and children, the tennis and soccer programs.  Funeral services will be held November through March. 

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, FIU hired Isiah Thomas to be the head coach of their men’s basketball team.

University President Modesto A. Maidique obviously gave the media a fake name to avoid scrutiny, but said “having a nationally recognised coach like Isiah at FIU will have a positive impact on our university as a whole, helping us achieve additional national exposure.”

I suppose as long as you keep a loose definition of ‘positive impact’, he’s right.  When there are media members crawling all over campus trying to find the girl who is accusing your basketball coach of sexual misconduct, you will be getting additional national exposure. 

As for Isiah, he had this to say: “Coming back to the college game has always been a dream of mine”, which is probably why he hasn’t mentioned any intentions to coach in college or been connected to any job openings until now.  You should probably interpret that as, ‘Coming back to the college game has always been a last resort of mine.’

He continued: “I didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to go somewhere where we can build a basketball legacy together.”  That sounds like something he would have said when the Knicks hired him.  That could be a bad omen.  Isiah seems to know that a legacy doesn’t have to necessarily be a positive thing.  Arkansas Pine Bluff has a basketball legacy, but they probably wish they didn’t.  Florida International is about to have a basketball legacy that includes Isiah Thomas, so they are probably going to wish they didn’t have a team at all.

Via With Leather

UPDATE: In a move no doubt inspired by his former coach, Bob Knight, Thomas has announced he will donate the first year of his salary back to FIU.  This could be because he’s still getting paid an incredible sum of money by the Knicks and Florida International is having to lay people off, but I’d prefer to think that Isiah assumes his performance won’t be worthy of a salary.

Tags: basketball, Florida International, Isiah Thomas, NCAA, New York Knicks

Last Bastion of Terrible Basketball Shuts Down

Next for this mascot, panhandling and coke addiction

If you’re anything like me, you’re the world’s sexiest man, you’re delusional and you thought the CBA was Canada’s professional basketball league.  Turns out CBA stands for Continental Basketball Association and it’s 4 (4?!?) franchises are based in the U.S.  Shocking news about the league no one knows about with 4 teams, it’s going bust.  I know.  I haven’t been this shocked since I found out size really does matter. 

The league has been around in some form since 1946 and survived Darryl Dawkins destroying goals and Isiah Thomas destroying everything else.  But in the end, the little league that could was destroyed by the one thing it couldn’t survive- a broken heart.  Oh, I mean crushing debt and a lack of profits. 

The league’s commissioner says the CBA might attempt a comeback if the economy picks up, but it seems like something you say to make everyone involved feel better.  Like “we can still be friends” or “don’t worry, nobody is going to miss her.”

Tags: basketball, CBA, Darrly Dawkins, Isiah Thomas

New York Knicks Signed Super Mario?

Si, is-ah hard being da stereotype. Where mah pizza?

Danilo Gallinari is a rookie for the New York Knicks with the back of a 50 year old dock worker.  He finally got back into action this week, but was unhappy about the stadium announcer’s pronounciation of his name and the choice of music played after he scored.  I initially thought, shouldn’t he be focused on playing defense, not the music playing, but then I remembered he’s coached by Mike D’Antoni and was amazed he wasn’t using that time to nap. 

Gallinari said “I no-ah like-ah da moozik.  Danilo like-ah ahhh, how yoo say, da rap.”  Experts agree he sounded more like Mario, as in brother of Luigi, than a basketball player.  This is what you get New York fans.  Bring in an Italian coach and you get Italian players.  Before long he’ll have Nate Robinson getting an Italian flag tatoo and he’ll be calling the team Inter New York. 

If Isiah was still around, he’d have Danilo sounding like Nas by now. 

“Gyeah, Danilo wanna give a shout out to the homies on 125th, keep it real fellas.  Ciao, bitches!”

Tags: basketball, Danilo Gallinari, Isiah Thomas, Mike D'Antoni, NBA, New York Knicks