Around the Leagues

Quenching Your Thirst for the Greatest News in Sports

Here’s another experiment.  General idiocy mixed with ADD makes for fragmented thought processes.  This is the result.  Note that some of these sports don’t have leagues, per say, but I doubt that’s anyone’s biggest issue with this Web site. 

Baseball: If J.C. Romero wants to convince anyone he’s off the juice, he should probably stop having roid-rage-esque altercationsthat lead to battery charges.  To be fair the douchebag fan deserved the open-palm slap he received, but what’s truly amazing is that this didn’t happen in Philadelphia.

Antonio Bastardo is going to the DL.  Not that this is news or anything, it’s just noteworthy any time the word Bastardo is in a headline. 

Swimming:  A female swimmer’s suit ripped right up the ass crack today in Italy.  I don’t know what’s funniest: The picturesof her ass hanging out, the fact that she got disqualified to add insult to embarrassment, how sad she looks, or making Flavia Ass jokes.  I think it’s Flavia Ass jokes. 

Basketball:  Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder is hosting a basketball camp for about 350 kids.  It costs $199 to send your kid here, but there are some scholarships available to “Urban League of Greater Oklahoma City.”  You think it’ll be hard to pick out the scholarship kids?  I don’t.  They’ll be the ones who can actually ball…

Football:  And Rape!  They go together so often don’t they?  Except this story’s about a player getting raped with a broom and a banana by other players back in 1999.  Why is it news today?  Because he is just now suing over it.  A quote from the victim:  “I don’t trust anyone anymore.”  I’m guessing this means he’s kinda jumpy.  It probably also means he screams like a child and runs, arms flailing, as fast as he can whenever anyone starts sweeping anything.  Or eating bananas.  This poor bastard.  I hope he gets like $100 million.  In tribute to his corn hole:  <youtube>

Boxing:  Former lightweight title holder, Alexis Arguello, was found dead today in Nicaragua, after being shot in the chest.  The Party radio is reporting it looks like a suicide, but considering he was elected mayor of Nicaragua’s capital city, it’s not beyond the realm of possibilities that foul play was involved.  Politics in Central America are far more dangerous than a career in boxing.  People just commit suicide down there all the time.  Usually with multiple gunshots to the back of the head.

Tags: Around the Leagues, J.C. Romero, Kevin Durant

These Steroids Taste Like Steroids

'Why God? Why didn't you tell me androstenedione was an ingredient in 6-OXO Extreme?'

J.C. Romero, a Phillies reliever, has been suspended for the first 50-games of this season for testing positive for a banned substance.  In a startling revelation, he says it wasn’t his fault.  Now he’s suing the manufacturer of a supplemant he took because they allegedly failed to list an ingredient used in the product.  That mystery ingredient ruined Romero’s chances at playing the first half of this season.  It also probably ruined his chances at the Hall of Fame, but not as much as his time on the field has.

Romero actually tested positive last August as his Phillies were making their run to the World Series title, but an appeal of his failed test allowed him to continue pitching through the post-season.  He says he was taking 6-OXO Extreme, which team trainers and employees of the nutritional store where he obtained it assured him it would not cause him to test positive for steroids.  Shockingly, the teenager at GNC wasn’t an expert on the subject.  As for the team trainers, they probably just don’t like Romero.

His suit against the supplement’s manufacturer is seeking punitive and compensatory damages, which I’m assuming means he wants the money he’s losing while he’s suspended, plus money for the damage done to his reputation.  He should get about $130-grand for the missed games.  As for the damage to his rep, I’d say he’ll be looking at about $200 at best.  This is J.C. Romero we’re talking about.  He should just be happy no one is talking about his 6.70 ERA from 2006 anymore.

The suit has been filed in Camden County, NJ, so I actually have a pretty good idea how this is going to play out.  Earl Hickey will be stepping in with his list: ‘Number 145, sold J.C. Romero a supplement including a banned substance.’  After some hijinks and complications, Earl will set it right and everyone will learn a valuable lesson.

Tags: Add new tag, baseball, J.C. Romero, MLB, Philadelphia Phillies, steroids